Why a Good Relationship Should Be on Your To-do List!

This post is by Jennifer Brown Banks of Penandprosper.

Back in the ’70’s Helen Reddy sang “I am woman, hear me roar.” A testament to the awesomeness of women and a mantra to today’s movers and shakers. I am one of them.

Gifted by the divine powers to be fiercely female, and a soul-sistah to boot. Statistics bear out as well, that a disproportionate number of African-American women are the heads of households, and that we even out-earn our men. “We can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan!” Impressive perhaps, but at times empty.

No doubt about it, during my dating droughts, I learned to light my own furnace, mow my own yard, hail my own taxis, conquer my own demons, and enjoy my own company. And there was a great sense of pride in my independence and achievements.

But being in love, being part of a “successful” twosome, now that’s a real accomplishment.

Why?

Because it takes a lot of work. Because it requires a good deal of selflessness. Because it calls for maturity and compromise and commitment. Day in, day out. Because there’s no greater “sales pitch” than to convince someone to go the distance with us despite our dysfunctions, debt, and bad habits.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not to suggest that we seek soul mates merely to be validated, or to be whole, or to conquer loneliness, or out of pressure. Quite to the contrary; often when we are alone (as a result of a break-up, enjoying some “me time”, or pursuing a career or college), this “down-time” allows us to be singularly focused, renewed, and to assess our real needs and true identity.

But I wouldn’t want it as a permanent way of life. And you shouldn’t either.

Don’t believe the hype: freedom ain‘t all it’s cracked up to be. And a frozen dinner for one, after a long, grueling day ain’t all that appetizing!

Few things compare to good loving, folks. It never gets old. Billy Dee reminded leading lady Diana Ross of this with his infamous line in Mahogany, “Success means nothing without someone to share it with.”

Still not convinced? Consider the following:

1. During these difficult times with an uncertain economy, unspeakable violence, threats of terrorism, unemployment, and other doom and gloom, love feeds the soul, warms the heart, and provides a sense of support, safe harbor, and nurturing. It’s the feel-good stuff that makes for box office hits and steamy best-seller books.
2. Relationships can help save money. Think about expenses shared (rent, mortgage, two-fers, laundry, gas). And how about less money spent on whining, dining and wooing? (After all, savvy women recognize that the good, mushy, impressive gestures and gifts of suitors oftentimes end once we’ve been “captured“.)
3. Research suggests that long-term relationships and marriage confer certain health benefits—like less stress, a lower rate of depression, lower blood pressure rate, and a lower rate of diabetes.
4. Because love and healthy relationships increase self confidence and can make you feel invincible! There’s no greater high.

I could go on and on, but I think Barbara Streisand perhaps said it best: “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” And who doesn’t like to “get lucky?”

Jennifer Brown Banks

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