Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Why We Choose The Wrong Men

Sometimes after a woman has endured two or more failed relationships she may utter words to the effect, 
"I don't know why I keep attracting the wrong men." 
There is nothing wrong with attracting the wrong men because, honestly, you really don't have total control over ALL the types of men you attract. Some may beg to differ and that's fine. Men, most men, are attracted to women. For every woman there is a man or men who are attracted to her. However, as a woman, only you have control over the men you choose. Experience has taught me that the vast majority of failed relationships were not with the men who were attracted to you; they were with the men you chose! Now, a silly counter-argument here might be, he was attracted to you and it was he who initiated the contact. True, but my initial assertion still stands — you have control. His initiating contact has nothing to do with you going ahead and being receptive to his advances. If you didn't want to you would not have reciprocated or accepted his advances.
Do you walk into a store and purchase an item? Don't you examine it first to make sure it's not torn, worn, dirty, or has some defect? You may even try it on to make sure it fits you depending on your purchase. My point is you don't go into the store grab the darn thing and go home with it only to discover that if you had taken the time to examine it you would have seen the defects or that it just didn't fit you properly. It is the same with men, not exactly store items, but it takes time (examine) to know them and you need to take that time to know them. And no, you should not 'try on' men like that. Will taking the time necessary to know a man prevent him for cheating on you, telling you lies, and turning out to be a dirt-bag? No, but there's a valid argument that by learning about him before jumping into bed it reduces your chances of picking the wrong one.
A question you might ask is; how do I pick the right guy? Simply, you have to do your homework ladies! 
You know your:
*dress size
*shoe size
*bra/pantie size

But have no clue as to your "man size"!! 
*How much "man" do I really need?
*Is there a "too much" threshold for me?
*Do I need a "Strong(er)" personality, because "my" personality is "strong, or  should I find someone more "quieter"? 

Not knowing these types of answers before you start "looking" is like going to the grocery store hungry...we either end up with a bunch of "crap" in our cart we didn't mean to buy or we find ourselves "snacking" while we are shopping!!
Finding "a" relationship is relatively easy; choosing the "correct" relationship takes knowing what your own personal "size" is, or what "fits" you BEFORE you start shopping!
a smooth talking man with good looks, a nice body and a nice car is simply a smooth talking man with good looks, a nice body and a nice car until you get to know him. You only get to know someone after spending time learning about them. If his physical appearance and material possessions are your only focus then you are that person standing in the flower garden seeing the roses but not its thorns. You see what you want to see and hear what you want to hear. Everyone wants to create that wonderful unforgettable first impression and some are willing to do whatever it takes to create it. The superficial game is played by almost everyone. You have to be able to see beyond the superficial, look for depth and substance and demand more. Hold yourself responsible and accountable for finding more in him. Talk is cheap.
Picking the wrong man has a lot to do with what you are looking for versus what he has to offer, what you expect versus what you accept, and trusting men versus trusting your own judgment. However, your own judgment must be based on standards and expectations.

Do you know your "man size"?
What have past relationships taught you about what "fits" you?

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if  coaching is right for you.