Monday, December 17, 2012

How To Date the Alpha Female

What IS an "Alpha Female"?  She is strong-willed, overly confident at times, difficult to please, loves extra hard with a dedication that often can't be matched. Her ambition and natural curiosity for life & more  specifically HER life is undying. 

She doesn't back down easily and is not always comfortable wearing a dress. They are a "wear the pants" type of girl which can serve them well in some areas and destroy them in others at the very same time. She is a Lion in every sense of the word. She moves with a slow stride and with a high head. 

She is a natural-born leader and sometimes have a difficult time putting herself before others. Her will is to change the world that she lives in even if it's in the smallest of ways. She owns a room almost instantly after walking into it because this is her nature. 

The Alpha-Female spirit makes it easy for her to be single yet can make it difficult for her to be in a relationship which really sucks. She is sarcastic and witty and her tact isn't always warmly welcomed by the opposite sex. Living in this generation of "sex vs love" a lot of potential or would-be potential suitors are left eating dust when they try to divide and conquer her lion-heart. She has the spirit of a man with the heart of the most gentle of women. She tolerates no arguments in Love because Love is the one thing in this world that she believes is just simple. When she sees disturbance in Love she will generally just walk away and not look back. For her, love enters where there is calm not where there is chaos. 

it's safe to say that the Alpha-Female can have any man she wants and this is why more often than not out of 10 man there will be only 1 that barely strikes her interest. Her dominance can lure even the strongest of men, they will be intrigued with the challenge of dating her  because she is never easily impressed no matter how kind the gesture. This type of female is different and a man will have to do very different things to get and to keep her attention. Men become easily obsessed with the different type of personalities that she possesses. 

An Alpha-Female will never stay under the thumb of an overly obsessed man. As soon as she can break free she will and her eye will be keener at avoiding this type of man in the future. The Alpha-Female  will break hearts more than have her own heart broken and this is the curse that she is born with.

Whatever your perception, for men, the bottom line is: how does one approach this type of woman for romance? 

Here are 6 distinct signs you may be dealing with an Alpha Female and ways to "counteract" them:

1. She acts unimpressed by your romantic gestures
An alpha female is used to men chasing her, so don't be surprised if cliche gifts like flowers and chocolate don't impress her. Remember this: Her expectations are higher than most women's, so you will have to be a little more original to get her attention.
How to counteract it: Try writing her a personalized letter and leaving it on her windshield, for example. Or make her lunch and bring it to her at work. Whatever it is, be different.

If she still acts unimpressed, do continue to make kind gestures, but don't go overboard. This type of woman is used to men going crazy for her, and you will stand out more if you can keep your cool.

2. She continues to date other men

Clearly, she doesn't want to commit. The alpha woman always has several men on the go and likes to keep her options open.
How to counteract it: The only way to deal with her wandering eyes is to do the same. In other words, fight fire with fire and continue to date other women until you discuss otherwise.

3. She's hard to reach

The alpha female is a busy woman, or at least she is very talented at making you believe that. She likes to have you at her beck and call and wants you to work around her schedule.
How to counteract it: Don't become the last-minute, just-in-case guy -- that won't earn you any respect in the long term. Make sure she realizes that you have your own commitments by not working entirely around her schedule. Do continue to pursue her if you think you have a shot, but be casual when you call. And definitely don't call more than twice before she calls you back.

4. She insists on paying her share of the bill
If she always insists on going Dutch, she might be pulling one of her fancy alpha tricks. Why? Because if you never treat her, she'll never owe you anything. Nada.
How to counteract it: Continue to offer to pay on dates, but if she seems adamant about paying her share, don't insist. If you want to avoid the whole awkward bill-splitting moment, tell her you'll take her to your "secret spot" and bring along a picnic to surprise her.

5. She is demanding

She continuously asks you for favors and you are eager to do them for her. Sound familiar? The alpha female is used to having men pursue her and give in to her every whim. But as tempting as it might be to jump every time she tells you to, do not allow yourself to become her puppy dog.
How to counteract it: Keep your dignity and do only what you feel is within reason. You will earn yourself far more respect in the long run if you don't jump through all the hoops she sets out for you.

6. She is sarcastic and condescending to you

If she constantly talks down to you and makes rude or mocking remarks, you need to defend your honor and fight back with equally witty comments. You never know what the alpha female might say, so you always have to be "on" and ready for verbal combat.
How to counteract it: Use a negative hit only when absolutely necessary (something mildly but not overly insulting). This will throw her off balance and threaten her feelings of control. However, if your exchanges are consistently negative and disrespectful, you're probably better off moving on; you shouldn't have to put up with her abuse.

There is only one more thing you need to remember when pursuing a woman who knows her way around the dating game: Keep your cool. An alpha female can smell fear.

Become the alpha male

Make one important distinction clear in your mind: An alpha female might not call you back very often and she may date other men, but she will show you strong, intermittent signs that she is interested to encourage you to continue pursuing her. Do not mix this up with a woman who is showing few or no signs that she's interested. In other words, know when to stop trying and walk away.

Are you an "Alpha Female". Why/Why not?
Does the thought of being with n Alpha Female bring excitement or fear?
How do you deal with that "Alpha" trait?

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692 or to determine if  coaching is right for you.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Dealing with Insecure Relationships

Many studies say that men and women are naturally insecure. There is this constant need for self-validation, especially when two people are in a relationship. It follows then that the need for complete understanding and honest communication in a relationship is necessary in order for it to be sustainable and secure. However, there should also be limitations as to what a couple in a relationship should be able to take from each other. If the relationship is comprised of two insecure and immature people, it's better to sound the alarm and get out of that insecure relationship or seek help immediately!

Let's look at some of the main causes of an insecure relationship between people, how it affects the relationship, and some suggestions to improve what can be called an insecure relationship. In addition I have listed below some indications that a relationship can no longer be resolved, and that the insecure relationship must be terminated to avoid the drama the parting of the two persons involved is usually associated with.

Causes of an insecure relationship
The most common cause of insecurity that is cited in many psychological studies is the lack of certainty in oneself. A person who doubts his or her value becomes insecure. The person usually sees themselves only in relation to other people. They derives their affirmations from other people, and if this affirmation is not given, this person becomes more insecure.

Now don't get me wrong, it's only natural to feel insecure once in a while, in fact everyone has insecurities. When we feels insecure all the time, even when conditions do not in any way prove that he or she is lacking in something, the person's lack of self-confidence becomes apparent. Most of the time, an insecure person will try to hide things about himself or herself. They will act and think in the way that he or she feels other people will respect them, even if this means lying about themselves, all because of the lack of self-esteem. An insecure person is always fighting with themselves, he or she tends to fall into self-blame when things do not work out.

An insecure relationship is comprised of people who, as individuals, are already insecure before going into the partnership. A relationship becomes insecure when it is built on deception and jealousy, which are the qualities that insecure people often possess. For example, if a problem arises in the relationship, insecure people will blame each other. They will always act jealous of each other even if there is no reason to be envious. In an insecure relationshipthe couple can also become deceptive and act jealous so that they can attract each other's attention. As already mentioned, insecurity stems from a lack of self-validation. Couples in an insecure relationship will demand this validation from each other, which becomes a problem because their demands can sometimes be absurd or impossible to fulfill.

Sometimes, only one end of a relationship causes instability in a relationship. The woman, for instance, feels that the man does not think she is beautiful enough, even if the man tells her this is not true or gives her no reason to be insecure. Another example is when a man feels that he is not earning enough for the woman, or that he is not intelligent enough for a woman. In such relationships when only one person is the cause of insecurity, the other person is obligated to help his or her partner to overcome this feeling of low self-esteem. They must try to reassure their partner that he or she is satisfied with what the other is and can provide in the relationship.

How to stop being insecure
Self-affirmation begins with individual efforts. No amount of coaxing from other people or compliments from a partner can make a person completely secure about themselves, although such affirmations can definitely help an insecure person get over their issues!

An insecure person can begin self-validation by stepping out of themselves and take an objective stance about their capabilities and qualities. An insecure person sometimes feels that their qualities are not enough to satisfy other people. Such a person must try to dig into their qualities and tell themselves that what they can do and offer can be improved, but should still be enough for people to accept them. An insecure person should also surround themselves with loved ones who can repeatedly assure them that they have value and do matter.

For those involved in an insecure relationship, the first step towards becoming secure is to accept the fact that they are both becoming destructive to one another. A relationship should be something that brings out the best in people, something which is obviously lacking from an insecure relationshipIf the couple decides to try to work things out, they have to:
  •  Be able to help themselves individually first
  • Acknowledge that they have issues with themselves before trying to work at the relationship. 

Most of the time, a couple who have security issues take a break from each other and try to fix themselves first before getting back together to save and rework the relationship.

Relationships where only one person is having trouble at being insecure, the other partner can help him or her effectively by listening and by being open to whatever the other has to say. The more mature partner should be able to package their words carefully, because the other partner, being insecure, can be very sensitive to harsh, even though honest, words. For some couples, it is more effective if they even draw a schedule for their talks, so that the insecure person feels that it is also their responsibility to become a better person in order to save the relationship! (Accountability!)

Other tips to get rid of insecurity
For some people, taking up certain activities can help immensely in learning to get rid of insecurities.

  • read inspirational books
  • take up other hobbies 
  • enroll in classes that will improve their skills.
  • meditate
  • take up an interesting sport, 
  • or simply try to engage in activities wherein they can be alone and calm.
  • quit habits such as smoking and drinking 

The important thing to accomplish first is for an insecure person to become at peace with himself or herself, to look at his or her situation objectively, and to accept himself or herself completely for what he or she really is. The person must realize that validation comes from oneself and not from other people.

Insecure people should also try to remind themselves everyday about their positive qualities and think of ways to enhance them. Most of the time, insecure people have forgotten that they do in fact have positive qualities, therefore it is extremely important that their loved ones help in affirming those things.

Insecurity can be dangerous to a person and the people around them. However, as it is something that a person has created for themselves, getting rid of insecurity is extremely possible. A person simply needs to decide once and for all that he or she wants to pull themselves together and muster up the necessary courage and discipline to finally get rid of insecurity and pave the way towards a happy and satisfied relational life!

How has insecurity affected your relational life?
What ways can you help an insecure partner today?

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692 or to determine if  coaching is right for you.

Monday, December 3, 2012

3 Keys to Better Small Business Success!

Most coaching clients who are in business for themselves come to coaching because they have goals they need help achieving. These goals can include increasing sales, income, or efficiency; becoming better at time management, or creating better work life balance. All GREAT goals, to be sure and worthy of their attention.
But regardless of the tenacity, determination and ability of the client, if they try to accomplish their own personal "Mount Everest" without a firm footing at base camp, their particular journey on the road to the top will probably take longer and have more detours than they had originally imagined.
Wonder why? In this world of instant and constant "connectedness"  with Blackberries, cell phones and computers making being out of contact virtually impossible (pun intended), many small business owners are run ragged. They find themselves reacting to everyone else’s agenda, instead of setting their own.
For example, there’s the young realtor I worked with recently who answers every call on her cell phone, regardless of where she is or what she is doing. Her more seasoned counterparts look on knowingly, wondering how long it will take her to learn the importance of screening her calls, putting her phone on vibrate, or better yet, giving out the office’s phone number instead of the her own.
Many small business owners believe they are so pressed for time that they can’t take an hour to go to the doctor, for a growing cyst that might be cancerous. Others believe that their customer’s emergency — due to poor planning on their customer’s part — is now theirs as they run around trying to solve a problem they didn't create. And still others insist that their families are their priority while a closer examination using time as the measurement shows that this just isn't the case. (sound familiar?)
For these small business owners, extreme self care is the first step in wrestling back control of their lives, before they start the climb up their personal Everest. Too busy reacting to others agendas instead of their own, demonstrating little or no ability to say no, and no tangible evidence of any respect for their own boundaries, they are usually exhausted before they even beginning trying to make the climb. Before starting such a journey, it helps to be healthy, centered, focused, energetic and surrounded by people and environments that will support them and not deter them.
That’s where self care comes in.
  1. Simplifying your life. Create an absolute yes list and put the rest of your activities on hold. This can be very difficult to do, for a variety of reasons. First, the people around you won’t like it when you draw back and stop doing what they currently depend on you to do. But it’s essential, because if you don’t, you’ll be too busy to practice self care.
  2. Begin putting yourself first, instead of second, third, fourth, fifth and last. While some might see this as extreme, many people won’t practice self care to the level it should be practiced unless they are given permission to do so.
  3. Once you become better at working your “no,” muscle, at naming, sticking to and enforcing personal boundaries, then and only then can you take the third step in self care, which is getting nourished. This can come from a variety of sources: friends, family, food, activities, exercise, and home and work environments.
After business owners and entrepreneurs take these three steps, their chances of reaching their personal Everest increase dramatically, often with fewer detours and surprises. That’s not to say that there won’t be any surprises, because no one can control all the forces around us, be it weather, other climbers, or something else. If my past experience is any indicator, I know that as some of you read this, you’re thinking that you don’t have time to practice self care. Your goal is so important that it can’t wait.
But ask any successful business owner or climber and they’ll confirm that it takes longer to reach a goal if you haven’t done everything that’s demanded at base camp. The smartest thing you can do is take the "meta-view"  look at the big picture, by taking a step back. An added bonus of doing so is that your life will be more balanced, you’ll have more room for the things you really want in your life and you’ll feel a lot better when you do begin working on your goal.
Once you begin looking after yourself, it will be hard to go back to what you now see was a crazy, out of control life. It really is all about the journey and not the destination, because what’s the point of reaching Everest if the trip, even up to base camp, leaves you exhausted and spent? And equally as important, if you do manage to get there, but feel worn out from it all, how much energy will you have for celebrating the momentous event? And as leaders in the human potential field tell us; stopping to celebrate and acknowledge our victory is imperative, as doing so psychologically spurs us on to even bigger and better things.
Business owners and entrepreneurs who practice self care by exercising, eating well and getting enough sleep find that they get more done than their counterparts who work longer hours, eat lunch off the sides of their desks and keep insane hours. Practicing these steps will increase the chances that you’re around to enjoy your business over the long haul.

What "priorities" are keeping you from experiencing a better "work/life" balance?
Have your "deadlines" become your "deathline"?

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692 or to determine if  coaching is right for you.