Personal Development & Relationships

There is nothing that provides the opportunity for personal growth and personal development as relationships.  It doesn’t matter if they’re intimate, platonic, business or even hobby.  Every relationship provides us a mirror for reflection and self discovery.

So, what makes a “healthy relationship?”

Think about it for a few moments…what do you think makes up a health relationship?

Answer: two healthy individuals.

The term healthy is meant to encompass here mental and emotional.  Sure it would be great to have healthy bodies and a healthy spiritual practice, but for the sake of this post I’ll be looking at the mental and emotional aspects.

When we are in a committed relationship – again this applies to ALL committed relationships and yes, you can have a committed business relationship – the goal of the relationship is for it to ‘work’ … to be an expression and acceptance of each other.

To set up a relationship that ‘works’, both parties must come to a definition and agreement of what a ‘workable’ relationship is, i.e. what is the primary goal for the relationship…and here we area again…back to setting goals!

The dictionary correlates commitment to pledging, and pledging is: “a solemn promise or agreement to do or refrain from doing something”

And the dictionary refers to a relationship as: “the mutual dealings, connections, or feelings that exist between two parties, countries, people”

When both parties are committed to a ‘workable’ relationship the accountability for the health of the relationship is placed on both shoulders, but the responsibility is yours!

This means that you ask yourself, “What can I do to increase and deepen the feelings and connections of this relationship?”

This is kind of twisty in that it’s not up to other person…it’s up to you.  I know…I know….you’re probably thinking, what if the other person doesn’t do the same for me?

Then you take a look at what the goal of the relationship is and revisit it.

But here’s the underlying part of a relationship that provides an opportunity for personal development…you’re going to have to find out what makes the other person ‘tick.’  Just because you like to express yourself in one way, doesn’t mean the other person does.

Let’s get to a specific example…I’ll talk about an intimate relationship.

In NLP we are taught that we all have a primary modality when it comes processing information, i.e. visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, gustatory.  We also have ‘strategies’ (decision process) for how we make a determination about something.

Hang on because this is where it gets good.

The strategies themselves involve one of more modulates and generally when it comes to romance it’s only one of them.

What the heck does all this mean????

Well your partner might “know” you love them when you hold them (kinesthetic). But you might know they love you when they tell you (auditory).  If we don’t take time to find out how our partner knows (their love strategy) we love them, there will be friction. We all tend to show affection the way WE like it.

Can you see how this can cause some issues?

If you’re partner’s “love strategy” is visual and you primarily tell them you love them, they may still not get that deep sense that you really do love them.

This brings us back to the responsibility of a ‘workable’ relationship and that it’s up to you…this is where personal growth and personal development comes in.  You have to find out their “love strategy.”  This will involve YOU asking them.

They most likely don’t have a clue about their “love strategy’ and again…this is where the personal development comes into play.  You will have to have a  conversation and dig into how and when your partner knows you love them.

I have found that is simplest to remove ways at first, that is, ask them if all you did was hold them, touch them and never told them you love them, would they still know?

Continue with this until you both have discovered each other “love strategy.”

This even works in a business relationship…no, no, no…you’re not going ask them how they know you love them! But you can ask questions around how do they evaluate a product or service before they make a purchase.

If you listen carefully they will tell you exactly their “purchasing strategy.”  You can then (being responsible for the workable relationship) deliver the information in just the exact way they like it.

By using your mental strength and taking time to find out how your partner (life, business, hobby, etc) process certain information you are actively participating in your personal development and the growth of the relationship and keeping it workable.

If you’d like to explore this further go ahead and request an Introductory Consultation today.

OK…how do YOU make a relationship ‘workable’?  Please let me know in the comments below.

Roland Gilbert

With over 20 successful years in corporate America, Roland Gilbert is now living his passion through helping others find and live theirs! Roland is a personal coach working with a wide range of clients’ issues through helping them change their thoughts and actions about their worlds – both personally and professionally.

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.

Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com  to determine if coaching is right for you. www.perennialgrowth.com