Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Greatest Benefits of Success?

When you think of personally successful, what kind of picture comes to mind? Do you see yourself with all the things that accompany wealth like a luxury home and fancy cars?  Do you think of the respect and prestige you’ll receive once you finally make your mark on the world?  Or perhaps you imagine the sense of pride you’ll experience when your accomplishments are acknowledged by those who doubted you.
Certainly, being successful can bring all of those benefits and more. But as great as those benefits might seem, they cannot come close to matching the greatest benefit of success.

Becoming successful  is an inside job

While being successful is often viewed as an outer process of setting and achieving goals that ultimately produce a variety of tangible assets, the greatest benefit of success is what happens to the inner person during the process. When we look at successful people there is a tendency to focus on all of the external trappings, but success is really a journey of inner discovery. It’s a journey that leads to, and grows out of, personal changes that take place on a core level.
Unfortunately, it is all too easy to get so sidetracked by the glitz and grind that we forget to appreciate what’s happening internally. When we constantly dig into our creative, problem solving resources in an effort to move toward and accomplish our goals, it changes us. We grow in many important ways as our view of what is possible continues to expand. And being aware of these changes will add another dimension to the value of success.

How to focus on internal success

If you want to make sure that you enjoy these internal benefits on your journey to success, it’s important to maintain your focus on the following:
1) Continuously expand your vision of what is possible for your life. A successful person knows that they are capable of much more than most people ever thought possible.  While they may start with smaller goals to build momentum, they know that those goals will grow in magnitude as they progressively overcome their limitations.
Be sure you are always open to unconventional and creative ways to expand your horizons.  If you keep your focus on the point just beyond where you think your capabilities might end, you’ll soon discover ways to go beyond those imaginary boundaries.
2) Stretch your comfort zone at every opportunity. In addition to believing you are capable of more, you should strive to prove it to yourself as often as you can. Don’t just dream big and plan big – act big!  Push yourself outside your comfort zone and trust that your inner resources will lead you to new and exciting opportunities.
With every step forward, your confidence will grow and so will your resourcefulness. We all have untapped abilities. The only way to access those abilities is to push ourselves into a place where we actually need those abilities. That place is almost always outside our current comfort zone.
3) Let your success show in the person you become. Rather than trying to impress others with what you can do, have done, or acquired, let your character and demeanor convey your inner success. The outer trappings of success may be impressive, but in reality, people of character care more about who you are as a person than what you have.

The inner journey is what counts

A truly successful person doesn’t need to say a word about their accomplishments because it’s part of who they are. Inner success is always evident in subtle but powerful ways.
The greatest thing about focusing on the inner journey as a successful person is that external success then becomes the natural expression of your internal state.  Of course, by then, those external things just seem like a nice bonus compared to the greatest benefit of success – who you’ve become along the way.
Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.

Contact Roland at             800-974-3692       or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you. www.perennialgrowth.com

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Controlling Your Inner Game for Personal Success

We've all heard that “Attitude is everything”.

In this life, we all play two games, the "inner game" of mental causes and an "outer game" of physical effects. Our inner game consists of the thoughts, feelings and emotions that we have; our values, attitudes and beliefs.

The outer game is the effect those thoughts, feelings and emotions have. It’s the work we do, the actions we take and the way we present ourselves to the world.

The outer game of our results…our physical manifestation, is the game we show the world, but the inner game is the most important facet of our personal success.

The people who succeed in this life are the people who:

* Know they can

* Know they will

* And act ‘as if’

Take a look at your favorite athlete. The ones that win both games (inner and outer) are the ones that have that unshakeable belief that they will win.

Call it confidence, call it arrogance but the athletes with the winning edge all have that attitude. They have their inner game under control and it’s manifested in their outer game, even though some may do it unconsciously.

When you approach your task…your mission, with unstoppable confidence, unshakeable beliefs and unflinching determination to succeed that is exactly what you do.

You will succeed!

When you say it the way you want it…you get it.

When you approach your inner world with doubt, worries and uncertainty that is exactly what you create…doubt, worries, and uncertainty…not success. If you are to create the personal success you are looking for, you must first pay attention to your inner game…your mental strength.

You have to develop and align your values and beliefs with your thoughts. This will create the unstoppable confidence, unshakeable beliefs and unflinching determination that will give you the winning edge.

So how do you go about winning at the inner game?

You need to:

1. Study success!

 Success leaves clues. All you have to do is model it!

2. Learn all that you can about you’re your discipline. 

Find someone who is successful at what you want to do and read all about how they did it. WARNING: Many people make the mistake of following EVERYTHING about their role model.

In many cases this can lead to destruction. Model only the behaviors and habits that support you in your goals and dreams and leave the rest alone.

In addition to modeling conduct research on your own. Knowing all of the ins and outs of your game can do amazing things for your confidence. You need to set goals. Having a target to shoot for keeps you going when times are not easy.

3. Develop your mental strength by keeping your thoughts and beliefs in harmony with your goal.

One method is affirmations. Affirmations can help with this but only if you put emotions into your affirmations. When you are working with affirmations repetition is necessary too. You can’t just say it once or twice and expect it to sink into your subconscious mind. A good affirmation bears repeating again and again and again.

Another method is visualization. See your success in your mind’s eye and include ALL your senses. See it, hear it, smell it, touch it and taste it. In other words, engage your senses in your imagination as you visualize. The more senses you engage the more real it becomes. The more real it becomes the closer it is to manifesting in your real life. So daydream. Visualize. Imagine your success down to the most intricate detail. This is your creation.

One more powerful way to develop your mental strength is constantly move outside your comfort zone. We all have comfort zones for each area of our lives, i.e. relationships, business, fitness. Start with one area that’s easy for you, say relationships. Make it a habit to meet one new person a day. You don’t have to become lifelong friends, just meet someone new.

Then notice how you felt and what you wanted to do before you met the person. The notice how you feel and what you did do after you met the person. Now simply apply this success formula to the other areas of your life.

This is your life….your manifestation. This is your Success and only yours. You have the responsibility to develop your own mental strength. This will build your inner game of attitude and you will come out a winner.

Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.

Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you. www.perennialgrowth.com

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

3 Ways to Expect Success!

On this journey called life, one lesson we all need to learn is that our expectations hold great power! Whatever we expect to find and experience in life is usually what we get. Why is that? Mainly, it’s because those are the things we focus on.

When you expect success and focus on it, your world will rearrange itself accordingly. On the other hand, if you focus on the possibility of failure while working toward success, you will send your brain mixed signals. This means that your efforts to succeed will be negated because you are subconsciously expecting to fail.

3 Ways to expect success

There are many ways that your expectations can affect your ability to reach your goals. Here are three important areas you should be aware of:

1) Attitude – Your expectations affect your attitude. It’s amazing how much attitude has to do with success. A negative or cynical attitude is enough to prevent you from giving your best effort and attention to your goals, which will lead to lukewarm results.

If you want to experience dynamic results, you’ve got to have a dynamic attitude. You’ve got to be fired up, passionate, and committed to your goals as if your life depended on achieving them. You should expect success and nothing less!

2) Action – Your expectations affect your willingness to take action. Not only will a negative expectation taint your attitude, it will also determine the intensity and persistence of your actions. If you expect things to go wrong, they usually will (Murphy’s Law). If you expect to experience an unfavorable outcome, you’ll see little point in working on your goal as diligently as you could. A halfhearted effort can only yield mediocre results at best.

On the other hand, when you’re motivated and inspired about your goals and expect them to produce outstanding results, your determination will skyrocket and you’ll move forward in a deliberate way. When you expect success you’ll be filled with eager anticipation so there will be no reason to hesitate or procrastinate.

3) Interaction – Finally, your expectations affect the way you interact with other people. People can sense a negative attitude even if you don’t say a word. If you go into any potential partnership or opportunity with negative expectations, your potential partners are not going to be inspired by your attitude. They’ll probably view you as an ineffective person who lacks confidence. As a result, they may not want to get involved.

But a confident, positive person with a clear focus and solid plan of action is the kind of person that everybody wants to work with! Not only will you feel better by expecting the best, your potential partners and benefactors will be inspired by your vision and determination. When you expect success they can feel it and will be anxious to work with you.
What do you personally expect?

You expect success, right? Either that or you want to learn to expect success. Either way you are way ahead of the curve because you are focused in a positive direction. The next step is to take decisive action while maintaining the right mindset.

 Why is that so important?

Because as vital as it is to expect success, nothing happens until we take action. We must back our expectations with action to successfully produce our intended results. Action is the muscle of expectation.

Do you ever find yourself expecting one thing but focusing on another?

Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.

Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you. www.perennialgrowth.com

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Dealing With People Who Love You But Still Treat You Bad!

Simple answer: DON'T!

Our happiness is each of our own responsibility. Not only internal factors but external factors work to either increase or decrease our happiness quotient (%). The way we allow ourselves to be treated affects our ability to be happy. And make no mistake about it, how people continually treat you is your choice!

When it's loved ones or close friends that are treating you badly these relationships are called "toxic". No matter how much they profess their "love" for you, their actions always seem to hurt you or put you in a bad light. When you are not around they degrade you to family and friends. When upset they can become extremely vengeful and/or petty. They blame you, drain you and shame you, and then discount everything you say in a need to be right! What ever the behavior is, if it is hurting you or causing pain, then it's time to take a good look at the relationship!

Now everyone will treat everyone badly from time to time, we're only human. Be we only accept bad behavior when it's complimented with a change in both attitude AND behavior... because it should only be accepted once! Anything after that, and you are training people on how to treat you.

 Love is an action word and if the word itself is not followed up with appropriate action then all you have is another 4-letter word!

Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.

Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you. www.perennialgrowth.com

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

On Personal Productivity & Success by Booker T. Washington

When life gets hard, when things don’t go my way, when a project doesn’t quite work out the way I planned, or when I want to sleep but can’t—like right now—I think of thinkers and leaders from the past and I remind myself that things could be much, much worse. 
Friedrich Hayek had to flee when the London School of Economics was moved to Cambridge during World War II (his friend and intellectual rival John Maynard Keynes apparently helped him find accommodations). 
Ludwig von Mises was chased out of Europe by the Nazis. 
The Apostle Paul was beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, imprisoned, and all sorts of horrible things. 
Millions of people have lived as slaves.
One of those people was Booker T. Washington, who would have been 155 this month.
Washington’s Up From Slavery is one of most inspiring books I’ve ever read ($0 version here).  It tells Washington’s story of going from slavery, poverty, and illiteracy to a position of intellectual and moral leadership in the United States and the world.
It includes an interesting chapter entitled “The Secret of Success in Public Speaking.”  In it, Washington details the habits that made him a successful educator, public speaker, fundraiser, and leader.  Principles of “effective leadership and action”—which is one of the key clauses in my institution’s Vision statement—are evident throughout.  Here are a few highlights from a very rich chapter in a very rich book:
1.  Do what you believe in, and believe in what you’re doing. 
Here’s Washington: “I believe that one always does himself and his audience an injustice when he speaks merely for the sake of speaking.  I do not believe that one should speak unless, deep down in his heart, he feels convinced that he has a message to deliver.” 
Have you ever been in an audience where it was clear that the speaker wasn’t passionate about his subject matter?  Bored speakers create bored audiences; if the speaker doesn’t care about what he or she is saying, why should the audience?  Also, your time and energy are very scarce.   Devote them only to tasks that deserve them.
2.  “The number of people who stand ready to consume one’s time, to no purpose, is almost countless.” 
In a series of entertaining examples Washington discusses some of his dealings with people who want to consume his time and attention with schemes for saving the world by closing all the national banks, for example, or by adopting a particular process for cultivation of a particular type of corn. 
I’m sure we all have story upon story about how we have wasted others’ time or had our own time wasted.  That such a thing would occur should not be surprising.  Over time, however, we learn how to install the right filters that increase the signal-to-noise ratio in the information we receive.
3.  Success involves inspiration, perspiration, and delegation. 
Here’s Washington again:  “I am often asked how it is possible for me to superintend the work at Tuskegee and at the same time be so much away from the school.  In partial answer to this I would say that I think I have learned, in some degree at least, to disregard the old maxim which says, ‘Do not get others to do that which you can do yourself.’  My motto, on the other hand, is ‘Do not do that which others can do as well.’” 
In short, Washington anticipated one of Timothy Ferriss’s most important principles by about 100 years.  Washington writes that, at the time, “the organization is so thorough that the daily work of the school is not dependent upon the presence of any one individual.” 
In the language of modern-day business books, by surrounding himself with trusted, talented people, and by integrating them into effective workflow processes, Booker T. Washington was able to leverage the talents of those around him and create value for himself, his organization, and his organization’s stakeholders.
4.  Staying organized and on top of things. 
His is a routine that might work for some people but not for others; the fact of the matter, though, is that he did what needed to be done.  Washington also found dignity in his work.  In this respect, it’s worth quoting him at length:
“As far as I can, I make it a rule to plan for each day’s work—not merely to go through with the same routine of daily duties, but to get rid of the routine work as early in the day as possible, and then to enter upon some new or advance work.  I make it a rule to clear my desk every day, before leaving my office, of all correspondence and memoranda, so that on the morrow I can begin anew day of work.  I make it a rule never to let my work drive me, but to so master it, and keep it in such complete control, and to keep so far ahead of it, that I will be the master instead of the servant.  There is a physical and mental and spiritual enjoyment that comes from a consciousness of being the absolute master of one’s work, in all its details, that is very satisfactory and inspiring.   My experience teaches me that, if one learns to follow this plan, he gets a freshness of body and vigour of mind out of work that goes a long way toward keeping him strong and healthy.  I believe that when one can grow to the point where he loves his work, this gives him a kind of strength that is most valuable.”
Booker T. Washington’s Up From Slavery is an inspiring tour de force from an American hero.  Among other things, it shows how someone who started with nothing—not even a right to his own person—was able to change the world. He still has much to teach us, and his lessons on productivity and success remain relevant even today.
Roland Gilbert
With over 20 successful years in corporate America, Roland Gilbert is now living his passion through helping others find and live theirs! Roland is a personal coach working with a wide range of clients’ issues through helping them change their thoughts and actions about their worlds – both personally and professionally.
Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.
Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com  to determine if coaching is right for you. www.perennialgrowth.com

67 Ways to Make Him Feel Like Superman!

Men and women have many of the same needs, but they tend to be weighted differently. In relationships, we all want to feel loved and respected. However the way that is accomplished is somewhat gender specific. It’s the Mars, Venus syndrome.

When a man has the respect of his mate, it actually makes him want to become a better person. When it comes to relationships, feeling respected is a huge issue for most men. So, while some of the items on this list are very similar to the ones found in 65 Ways to Make Her feel Special, you will notice that the list leans more toward respect than toward love. Realize that for a man, the two are basically synonymous.
In relationships, most men are easily encouraged. Your approval is a powerful motivator and applying some of these simple steps will yield great results.
1. Communicate with him respectfully.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Try to understand his reasons, even when you disagree.
4. Ask for his help.
5. Let go of the small stuff.
6. Tell him you love and respect him, and that you like him.
7. Give him some space for his hobbies
8. Show him that you respect him.
9. When you go out together don’t bring up problems.
10. Focus your attention on what he’s doing right.
11. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
12. Be happy and positive when he comes home.
13. Give him half an hour to unwind after work.
14. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully.
15. Defend him to any family member who tries to dishonor him.
16. Compliment his efforts above his performance.
17. Seek his advice when you face challenges.
18. Set and work on goals together.
19. Don’t over commit yourself, leave some time for him.
20. Be forgiving when he unintentionally offends you.
21. Find ways to show him you need him. Guys need to be needed.
22. Don’t fill his every spare moment with chores.
23. Peel away your pride and admit your mistakes.
24. Rub his neck and shoulders when he is stressed.
25. If he wants to talk, listen and ask viewpoint questions.
26. Express appreciation for his hard work.
27. Tell him you are proud of him for the person he is.
28. Give advice in a loving way; do not in a nag him.
29. Reserve some energy for him when he wants you sexually.
30. Don’t expect him to spend all his time on "fu-fu" projects.
31. Commend him for being a good man.
32. Brag about him to other people even when he’s not there.
33. Share your feelings with him but keep it abbreviated.
34. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
35. Honor him and show your respect in front of everyone.
36. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to.
37. Be his helper in whatever ways he needs it.
38. Accept that sometimes he just wants to be with you and not talk.
39. When he’s in a bad mood don’t crowd him.
40. Help him accomplish his goals.
41. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
42. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
43. Thank him for things he’s done around the house.
44. Don’t expect him to always notice everything you do.
45. Consult him before making important plans.
46. Let him sleep in when he can.
47. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical with him.
48. Initiate sex periodically but be responsive more often.
49. Get to the point in your discussions without endless details.
50. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out together.
51. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he misspeaks.
52. Don’t quarrel over words.
53. Be kind and courteous with him.
54. Don’t blame him every time things go wrong.
55. When he blows it don’t say, “I told you so.”
56. Never argue over money, he already feels responsible.
57. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him.
58. Praise his good decisions and minimize the bad ones.
59. Don’t expect him to read your mind, we’re not that smart.
60. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff.
61. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
62. When you’re angry don’t give him the silent treatment.
63. Look your best for him and make him proud to be seen with you.
64. Be his best cheer leader.
65. Acknowledge his successes in areas of everyday life.
66. Patiently teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
67. Thank him for just being himself.
Do you have something to add?
Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.


Monday, February 6, 2012

65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special

Submitted  by JONATHAN

Do you want that special lady in your life to feel special? Trust me when I tell you that small things mean a lot. Over time, it’s easy to forget the little things that contribute so much to a happy and fulfilling relationship.
From time to time, it’s a good idea to look closely at the way we treat our partner and make sure that our actions accurately convey our true feelings. Here’s a list of 65 things that should never be overlooked in a relationship. If you think I’m wrong, just ask her!
1. Regularly express to her that you need and value her.
2. Do things that make you laugh together.
3. Compliment her for her special qualities and be specific.
4. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort.
5. Speak respectfully, don’t demean her or hurt her feelings.
6. Give her time to be with her friends.
7. Take regular walks hand-in-hand.
8. Be enthusiastic over things that she’s excited about.
9. Do something you think she wants done before she asks.
10. Discuss changes with her first before you make them.
11. Show interest in the relationship and the things she values.
12. Allow her to teach you things without being defensive.
13. Let go of the small stuff.
14. Be a good listener and value what she says.
15. Get away from the routine to spend time together.
16. Go shopping with her without watching the clock.
17. Make her breakfast and clean up afterward.
18. Set specific relationship goals to achieve together.
19. Act like you are partners in all areas life.
20. Don’t take her for granted, always be polite. 
21. Admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness.
22. Defend her to others, especially to your family.
23. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
24. Scratch her back, rub her feet, and massage her neck.
25. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
26. When she asks how your day went, give her details.
26. Never argue over money, it will damage your relationship.
28. Don’t embarrass her in front of others.
29. Make eye contact when the two of you are talking.
30. Show that you prefer her company over all others.
31. Give her your full attention whenever possible.
33. Never flirt with another woman.
34. Brag about her and your relationship to others.
35. Surprise her with a card and flowers.
36. Call her when you know you are going to be late.
37. Give her your undivided attention when she’s talking.
38. Never compare her unfavorably with others.
39. Take care of yourself, It shows you care.
40. Be supportive. Help her to achieve her goals.
41. Run errands without complaining.
42. Sit close to her, even when you’re just watching TV.
43. Include her when you make plans.
44. Do things that make her feel cherished as a woman.
45. Build trust into your relationship.
46. Surprise her with a 15+ second kiss.
47. Stay in good of shape so she’s proud to be with you.
48. Be kinder to her than you are to strangers.
49. Make sure she feels valued above everyone else.
50. Continue to court her and date her.
51. Show affection for her in front of friends.
52. Hold her close when she is hurt or discouraged.
53. Surprise her with an unexpected gift.
54. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public.
55. Honor her and support her dignity.
56. Don’t dishonor her by eyeballing other women.
57. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
58. Be sympathetic when she’s feeling down.
59. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her.
60. Do things around the house that she wants done.
61. Tell her and show her that you love her every day.
62. When you’re away call or email often.
63. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
64. Show her affection with sexual intentions.
65. Let her see you reading and applying this list.
Do you have something to add?
Tomorrow: "67 Ways to Make Him Feel Super Special!"
Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.