I've discussed this topic – commitment – in earlier posts and I thought it would worth while revisiting with some fresh information.
Let’s begin with a story…
Sarah and Brian were working on a project to create a new business. They were designing a name for their business, determining their market, and designing stationery and many other aspects of their business. The website was one of the biggest projects. They had to decide on the design of it, the language they used, the technology they wanted and the products they wanted to sell.
Each week, Sarah and Brian would get together to discuss their business projects. Each week, every aspect of the project was flying forward except for the website. Sarah and Brian had decided that the website would be slower as they needed to work out all the other parts first.
Over several months the business was getting closer to launching yet still no website. There was some hold up with the designers, then the IT company, and then the marketing company they were using. The content of the website was not complete and it seemed as though it would never happen. Sarah and Brian sat down to have another meeting about the website.
They looked at each other in a very frustrated way. They began to go over the long list of incomplete tasks related to the website. Then Sarah stopped the meeting. She asked Brian if he was committed to this project. He agreed he was, one hundred percent. Brian then asked Sarah the same question. She agreed one hundred percent. The next question they asked each other was why they were getting stuck in moving forward with the website. They worked out that neither of them was particularly interested in the website. They knew they needed it for the business but they didn‘t have any particular strengths in this area.
Both Brian and Sarah were committed to the business and wanted to get it started. But they weren‘t committed to doing the tasks associated with the website. They realized this task was taking a lot of their energy and yet nothing was coming of it. They had to resolve this quickly. So they decided to ask a business colleague, who loved building websites, to be involved in this part of the project.
They would brief him and then hand it over to him knowing it was getting completed. They needed to find the right person who they could trust to do this really important task for them. They spoke to their colleague and he came on board straight away, excited at the whole idea. He quickly outlined the time frame they would be working towards and asked many questions to get a sense of the style of site Sarah and Brian were looking for.
At the end of the conversation both Sarah and Brian heard themselves give a huge sigh of relief. Now they could work to their strengths and grow their new business and their colleague could build the website.
Commitment
The above story gives some insight into an example and meaning of commitment. Many times we carry out tasks that we are not committed to and then wonder why they didn‘t work and why we don’t achieve our personal success.
In an incident like this we ARE committed, but to failure not achievement and personal success. If we keep pushing ourselves to fulfill something that is not right then it‘s just plain not right. It may be that we need to re-frame our perspective and see the task in a whole new way to align with it. Or it may be as Sarah and Brian identified, it was something they were not committed to.
But what happens when we are not committed to something…to our personal goals?
Deep down in the very depths of us are a whole range of underlying beliefs. These are beliefs we have about ourselves. They may be beliefs that someone gave us, our parents for example or the community that we grew up in. These beliefs sit below the surface of our consciousness in our subconsciousness.
The only way we can know what they are is by observing ourselves and seeing what causes us to do certain things. The more we know about these beliefs below the surface the more we will be successful in achieving our personal goals and the more we will feel great about our world and ourselves.
Lets look at what happens when we don‘t understand our unconscious beliefs.
When you were growing up you were probably in a number of systems that compared you to others. It may have been a sporting group, school, a social group, family, church or any number of other groups. In these groups, people are often compared against one another.
So you may have heard messages such as the other child is really good at this, why aren‘t you, or can’t you try harder, you take longer than anyone else. All of these adjectives are comparative adjectives. Smarter, harder, better, fitter, cooler – all these words are based around comparing you with someone else.
You may have heard these messages once or a million times. If you hear something enough times then you make a ‘limiting decision’ and start to believe it. Overtime this belief sits in your unconsciousness, like a conductor, orchestrating your life. This belief was given and accepted by you so long ago.
Once you started ‘committing’ to this belief, you built a world around you that confirmed this belief. You may have fought hard not to notice it, lived in denial. But this was rejection and denial was still believing in it, or you may have given into it and carried out your life reinforcing it.
Then one day, as you sit in a quiet reflective space while reading this blog, you start to think about why something in your life just keeps on going wrong. No matter what you do, you just can‘t make it happen in the way you would like to. You are trying so hard to make it happen but nothing.
It frustrates you beyond all belief. You start to feel negative about yourself; you start to doubt what you can do. You feel like giving up. You question why you can‘t be smarter, better, lose weight; make more money…and all the other comparative adjectives. You could decide at this point to:
- Give up on yourself and not believe in who you are.
- Deny this is happening to you.
- Convince yourself that this was the wrong thing for you
- Take a good hard look at what got you to this point in time.
The Decision
On average we take the first two options. The last option feels way too hard and you’re uncertain of where to begin (this is where a coach comes in handy). Plus the third option is filled with uncertainty – who knows where it will take you.
You need to exercise your mental strength and make a good firm decision right now and that is to just try another project as you are sure this time it will be the right one. You convince yourself that you just haven‘t found the right project yet that is best for you. And off you go in search of another project.
But what are the criteria upon which you will choose the next project?
Well if you don‘t stop to find out what is laying below the surface of your conscious thoughts, what is driving your actions, then you wont know.
You will use the same criteria you have used your whole life…the one that commits you to reinforcing the unconscious and potential limiting belief.
I’ll finish this post with a quote attributed to Goethe
“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”
OK…more on this next week. Until then….if you’d like to begin to explore your unconscious and limiting beliefs, go ahead and ask for an Introductory Consultation today.
What do you think? Please let me know in the comments below.
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