Tuesday, July 31, 2012

8 Ways Men Can Improve Their Relationships Today!

Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my clients state that, "If I have to work at it, then it's not the right relationship." This is not a true statement, any more than it's true that you don't have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.

Fellas, I've discovered 8 choices you can make today that will not only improve your current relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one.

1. Improve your communication 

There is nothing more important in a relationship than communication. The more you communicate with your woman, the less likely the two of you will get into arguments because you both will be able to talk about your problems instead of holding them in. Remember, if you can’t communicate, you can’t even begin to support one another in a relationship. Conversation dispels confusion!!

2. Take responsibility for your own happiness 
Your first priority in a relationship - no matter what kind of a relationship you are in - is to be yourself. This means taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure. Learn to treat yourself with kindness, compassion and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Don't lose yourself just because you are in a relationship.  To do that, you'll need to love yourself by ensuring you have a strong sense of self-worth and esteem. 

3. Show her gratitude instead of complaining 

Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Constant complaining creates more stress in a relationship, while gratitude creates emotional, spiritual and physical health.

4. Laugh together 

Mutual laughter is an essential component of a strong and healthy relationship. Romance is much better if you can see humor in the little things and can have a laugh together. So, make a conscious effort to incorporate more humor and play into your daily interactions with your woman and be willing to make a fool of yourself sometimes just to put a smile on her face.

5. Set common goals together 

Look for anything that’s common between the two of you and talk about ways to work toward that aspiration together. Sit down with your partner and set new goals., i.e health, comfort, happiness and so on. Share what you want your life to be about, where you want to end up and what these things mean to you.

6. Give her some space 

When you love someone, you want to spend as much time with them as possible; however, it’s equally important to have some space and to spend some time apart every once in a while. Being apart not only allows you some freedom, but it will also allow the two of you to miss each other and is an ideal way to keep your relationship interesting.

7. Be spontaneous 

You can ensure that romance never goes out of your relationship by doing things like sending her flowers for no reason, writing her a love note, or preparing her favorite meal for her when she least expects it. Being spontaneous also means trying new things out of the ordinary together to keep the relationship interesting.

8. Improve your sex life 

If you really want to give your relationship staying power, give a little extra effort in the bedroom. There is no limit to the number of ways to have sex, so use your imagination and come up with as many new positions as you desire. There is always something that you haven’t tried, so don't be afraid to mix things up in bed and awaken her sexuality.

All relationships need a little pick-me-up sometimes--even the best of them. If you feel like your relationship isn’t quite what it used to be or would like to take it up a notch, try these 8 things today and keep your fire burning.

Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. 

Contact Roland at             800-974-3692       or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.


Monday, July 23, 2012

Are You Ready to Blossom?

I am always amazed when something that I hear or read has a really profound effect on me. It is like I am awakened to a new state of consciousness.
A number of years ago I read the quote by Anais Nin “And the day came [for the rose] when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. She was talking to me. My inner voice had been telling me for a while that there was more to express and discover about myself. I had ignored it with all kinds of rationalizations. This quote jolted me into admitting that the time was now to make changes that made me feel good about myself. The first step was to start taking better care of my body by commiting to a consistent exercise program. It has been over ten years since I made the commitment to myself. I like that I am doing this for me.
Most of us do not know what we are capable of until we begin to stretch ourselves. Usually we limit ourselves with our beliefs. My limiting personal phrases have been: you are too old or you should have done that earlier or you have too much to do. I have learned that when I commit to something I also find the time to follow through.
When we begin to admit that there are areas in our life where we are "tight in the bud" we start seeing new possibilities and finding ways to begin to blossom. After I had success with the first step I began to add more steps because it felt good to expect more of myself. Being a big procrastinator I have had to push through my excuses not to do something.
In addition to being painful, staying "tight in the bud" leads to boredom, tiredness and a lack of vibrancy. I think that it is especially important to recharge ones life in the years of forty-five and above. By then much of life and thinking has settled into a predictable routine. It is also when our inner voice becomes louder and louder urging us to stretch ourselves and to set forth in new directions. Those who heed their inner voice and take the risk to bloom discover that their life has become vibrant.
Are you ready to Blossom?

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at             800-974-3692       or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Looking For The Perfect Mate? 15 Things To Look For!

Today I want to discuss the “relationship characteristics” you should look for when identifying the person you’re  in a relationship with and eventually want to marry.  I want to specifically talk about 15 characteristics that are signifying factors that you’re marrying the right person. 
Look for these 15 characteristics “before” getting married:
1. You’re Attracted to The Person Physically and Mentally – I wouldn’t marry someone who I wasn’t attracted to in some significant way.  Now, everyone’s not going to marry an “intelligent supermodel”,  but finding a person who you’re attracted to physically and mentally will “serve you well” throughout your marriage.
2. Loyal and Trustworthy – A good partner possess incredible loyalty. 
"I believe if I was involved in a “fist fight” my wife would jump-in, even if I was winning; she’s that loyal" a client told me once (…not that I would advise this ).
In addition, a good partner is also trustworthy.  They earn your trust, and they keep your trust.
3. They’re Different Yet the Same – It’s true that opposites attract, but it’s also true that birds of a feather flock together. 
It’s okay that your partner is “spontaneous” while you’re “boring,” and it’s okay that you’re “disciplined,” while your partner remains a “free spirit.”  These differences will bring balance to your relationship. 
However, your core beliefs should remain the same.  If you’re a devout Christian while your partner is a leader in the atheist movement, or if you and your partner have diametrically opposing beliefs on how a “family” should function, these foundational differences can destroy a marriage at the root.
4. The Lines of Communication Are Open – Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and at the end of the conversation you knew nothing about them.  While this may not be a problem if you’re talking to a stranger, this should not be the norm within a relationship.
It’s okay to be private with strangers, but if you can’t be intimate with anyone, then there’s probably a reason why?  Intimacy means, "In-to-me-see," and it’s requisite to the success of any long-term relationship.
Conversations should lead to deeper understandings of the person you’re with. 
5. They’re Honest – This is an obvious one, I think. 
It’s not enough to just have open communication; the communication must also be honest.  If you catch someone constantly being dishonest, this is certainly a “red flag” that something is very wrong.
You should feel comfortable knowing that whatever your partner says is “true.”  Unless you ask them, “Do the jeans make me look fat?” 
6. They Like Spending Time With You – A couple once told me that they “broke up” because they got tired of being together “all the time,” but they recently decided to get back together, and now they’re getting married.  I thought, “…that’s an interesting combination of situations…”
…You need to find someone who likes spending time with you, and who you like spending time with.  Spending quality time together is why you marry someone to begin with, if you don’t want to be around your partner constantly, you should probably remain “single.”  Hold out for someone who you love spending time with, and who loves to spend time with you.
7. They Prize You Above Everyone Else – Marry someone who values you above their friends.  If you’re not valued above their friends, then their friends will have priority in your relationship…when a decision has to be made, you may be the last person asked.
You always want to be where you’re celebrated, not tolerated.
8. Their Life is an Open Book, and You Like What You’re Reading – You should be able to see patterns in your partner’s life. 
Has the person always been very disciplined, lazy, aggressive, or nice?  What are the positive and negative habits and patterns in this person’s life?  Can you live with these patterns and/or habits?
Has this person previously been involved in 20 relationships, if so, what’s the pattern, what’s changed since the last relationship? 
Life happens in cycles, discover the life cycles of your partner; make sure you’re excited about those cycles.
9. You Have a Lot in Common – You hang out in the same spots, you like the same things; you’re headed in the same direction.  Why is this important?  Because marriage is not the goal; it’s only the starting line of the race.  You and your partner need to be headed in the same direction in this race.
People often get divorced and say, “we grew apart.” 
It would be wise to discover where your partner is going before you marry them, and it would also be wise to know where you’re going. 
If you don’t know where you’re going, and they don’t know where they’re going, we have a classic case of the blind leading the blind; both of you will end-up in a ditch.
Somebody said, “but I don’t know what the future holds”…the future holds what you plan for it to hold…what are your planning?
How many children are you planning, what kind of career are you planning, what kind of spiritual life are you planning, what are your life goals?  Not that you’ll know everything in the present moment, but you should know a majority of the important things.
10. Your Friends Like Them – In other words, the “unbiased” people in your life like the person. 
If none of your friends like the person you’re marrying, you may want to re-think your decision.  Your friends sometimes see things that you are unwilling to see.
11. Their Motives are Pure – Look for a spouse who wants “you for you.”  Someone with pure motives; they’re not trying to get something out of the deal.  They’re not a vampire looking to suck your blood; they’re seeking to give.  They’re not going to subtract from your life, they’re going to add to your life.
12. They Express How Much They Love You – Love is seen, love is action.  If someone truly loves you, you will know it by their deeds, not just by their words. 
Make sure your partner’s actions are indicative of someone who loves you.  Their words should match their actions, and their actions should match their words.
13. They Don’t Believe in Divorce – Simply put, if divorce is an option for your relationship, then you have a much greater chance of getting a divorce.  As a couple you must make the conscious decision to work through your problems.
14. They Give to You – They buy you things, no matter how small, or if they don’t have any money…they make dinner for you, give you foot rubs, they cater to you.
15. They’re Not Selfish – They desire to see you fulfilled.  A good partner is concerned about your dreams, wishes and goals. 
They are willing to work to ensure you accomplish everything you desire to accomplish!
In closing, I’ve written this article as a guide on identifying the signifying factors of an ideal partner, use the list as your gauge.  However, don’t bother looking for these qualities, if you don’t first exemplify these qualities yourself, you will only attract what you are.  You must be the first partaker of what you desire to receive. 
Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at             800-974-3692       or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Discover Your Life purpose in 20 Minutes!

I believe that we were all sent here for a reason and that we all have significance in the world. I genuinely feel that we are all blessed with unique gifts. The expression of our gifts contributes to a cause greater than ourselves.

First, a personal story

Last year, I was running at full speed; chasing after my dream of money and ‘success’. However, I had forgotten why I was running. Luckily, I met Jim (not his real name). Jim had achieved all the financial goals I was reaching for. He had financial independence, several successful businesses, homes in multiple countries, and the luxury to afford the finest things money could buy. Through hard work, persistence and sheer action; he had made it! But, Jim was not happy. He did not have the free time to enjoy his wealth. He wanted a family. He wanted peace. He wanted to live his life… but he was not able to. He had too many responsibilities, too much to lose, and too many things to protect. He had spent years building his castle, and now that it is complete, he is spending his time keeping it from eroding.
Getting to know Jim was a life altering and eye opening experience. His words snapped me out of my state of ‘unconsciousness’. It became clear to me that, “I did not want to spend the next 10 years chasing after money, only to find that I’ll be back at the same place I am at today; emotionally, mentally, and spiritually”. My ‘chase’ came to a screeching halt, everything was put on hold, and I spent the next two months re-evaluating my life and purpose.
These questions were running through my mind:
What am I chasing after? Why am I chasing it? What is my purpose? Why was I put here?
While reading “E-Myth: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work“, Michael Gerber asks the readers to do a visualization exercise. Through his guidance, he instructs you to vividly picture the day of your funeral. What do you want your eulogy to consist of? What would your lifetime achievements be? What would matter the most at the end of your life? Is it what you are doing right NOW?
I started writing. It began by listing all the things that are most important to me. I wrote down all the things I wanted to do. I re-visited my personal mission statement. I decided that whatever venture I commit to must align with my personal mission, my values and my goals. For every new opportunity that comes along, I would ask myself how it aligns with my goals. Regardless of how much money I could acquire, if the venture did not align with where I wanted to be, then I would not pursue it. Here is my personal mission statement:
  • To Empower, motivate and inspire people to living happier and more fulfilled lives“.
Here are some of my values and goals:
  • What matters most is my connection with myself, being present and feeling blissful.
  • What I value most is having meaningful relationships with people. Being able to connect with people on deep levels.
  • I plan to be financially independent, and have control of my time and location. I plan to work only on projects and causes that I connect with. I plan to acquire my finances without violating my values, goals and personal mission.
  • I plan to travel and live in different parts of the world. Experiencing different cultures, documenting them in photographs and sharing them with others.
  • I will buy my mom a house wherever she wants, with a ravine in the backyard. That’s a dream of hers and I’d like to fulfill it.
  • Having a family is important to me. I desire a deep, loving relationship with my spouse.
  • To live everyday fully as if it was my last.


The following are a list of questions that can assist you in discovering your purpose. They are meant as a guide to help you get into a frame of mind that will be conducive to defining your personal mission.
Simple Instructions:
  • Take out a few sheets of loose paper and a pen.
  • Find a place where you will not be interrupted. Turn off your cell phone.
  • Write the answers to each question down. Write the first thing that pops into your head. Write without editing. Use point form. It’s important to write out your answers rather than just thinking about them.
  • Write quickly. Give yourself less than 60 seconds a question. Preferably less than 30 seconds.
  • Be honest. Nobody will read it. It’s important to write without editing.
  • Enjoy the moment and smile as you write.

15 Questions:

1. What makes you smile? (Activities, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.)
2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?
3. What activities make you lose track of time?
4. What makes you feel great about yourself?
5. Who inspires you most? (Anyone you know or do not know. Family, friends, authors, artists, leaders, etc.) Which qualities inspire you, in each person?
6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)
7. What do people typically ask you for help in?
8. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?
9. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?
10. You are now 90 years old, sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch; you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy, and are pleased with the wonderful life you’ve been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you’ve achieved and acquired, all the relationships you've developed; what matters to you most? List them out.
11. What are your deepest values?
Select 3 to 6 and prioritize the words in order of importance to you.
12. What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?
13. What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with?
14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be?
15. Given your talents, passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve, to help, to contribute? ( to people, beings, causes, organization, environment, planet, etc.)


“Writing or reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think through your priorities deeply, carefully, and to align your behaviour with your beliefs”
– Stephen Covey, ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’
A personal mission consists of 3 parts:
  • What do I want to do?
  • Who do I want to help?
  • What is the result? What value will I create?
Steps to Creating Your Personal Mission Statement:
1. Do the exercise with the 15 questions above as quickly as you can.
2. List out actions words you connect with.
a. Example: educate, accomplish, empower, encourage, improve, help, give, guide, inspire, integrate, master, motivate, nurture, organize, produce, promote, travel, spread, share, satisfy, understand, teach, write, etc.
3. Based on your answers to the 15 questions. List everything and everyone that you believe you can help.
a. Example: People, creatures, organizations, causes, groups, environment, etc.
4. Identify your end goal. How will the ‘who’ from your above answer benefit from what you ‘do’?
5. Combine steps 2-4 into a sentence, or 2-3 sentences.
What is your purpose? What is your mission? We’d love to hear about your goals and aspirations. Please share with a comment!
Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at             800-974-3692       or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.