Application
Powerful questions need to come from outside of self. Asking the right question is the key to powerful questioning. To ask the ‘right’ question, complete and total focus must be placed on listening to what is being said, not trying to work out the answer to what is being said. When someone is speaking it is very easy to hear a word or concept and then for your mind to go off racing, thinking all about this concept.
However the moment this happens you have stopped listening. There is nothing so embarrassing as being asked a question or hearing a pause in what someone has just finished saying and you realize that you haven‘t heard a word of what they said.
When intense focus is occurring in a conversation, you will not have to think hard for a great question. The question will become clear. You will be present and in the flow of the thinking of the other person and you will know what the next question needs to be. Asking questions is like drilling down, to get to the gold below. The gold being the gem of information that will support you or the person you are speaking to.
The very nature of great questioning strengthens learning. Imagine if we stopped to ask a question in the middle of an argument and not trying to voice an opinion. The very nature of asking questions shifts the energy around a conversation to a more positive realm.
However this is only the case if the questioning is not about trying to apply blame or guilt or disempowerment (take a look at my post on Personal Development & Relationships), or if you’re trying to prove that you are right about something and ask leading questions to create this then you will achieve your outcome. You will know you are right. But you may have lost the trust or respect of a friend, colleague or loved one. Proving that you are right through questioning is about controlling a conversation, not about learning from a conversation.
What do you want…to be happy or to be right?
Creating a World of Questions
Imagine waking up one morning and deciding that you valued learning and openness so much that you were going to build a world around asking questions, even when you felt threatened or judgmental. This would need a huge shift in perspective as we are trained to tell and not to listen and question.
We are trained like soldiers, ready to prove our position or explain our point or prove our knowledge. To move away from this type of role into a role of self-awareness requires learning from those around us; it requires recognizing that life is not about conquering (at least not all the time) it’s but about acquiring knowledge and wisdom.
This type of shift is about recognizing the importance of what others say and about a want to learn more about them. It is about take pleasure in learning more about another person and not telling them what you want them to know.
It is interesting to think about this notion when first meeting someone. If in business the desire can sometimes be to get across to the other person as much about yourself as possible in the shortest possible time to win some business. The other person engages in the same style of conversation. After you have each finished your monologues about who you are, you look at each other uncomfortably and suggest moving on to speak to someone else. In a situation like this neither person has to know anything about the other. No connection has been made – just two speeches given.
Now let‘s replay this and instead of two people giving speeches, imagine you have decided to ask questions and to learn as much about the other person as possible in the amount of time you have. You truly want to engage them in conversation. What usually happens in this instance is that the other person and you go away from this experience having felt as though you have met a new person, learnt something new, and gained from the experience.
Creating a world where you ask empowering questions can enthuse and energize your conversations. Questions sharpen strategy, vision and values, building the capacity for change.
“The usefulness of the knowledge we acquire and the effectiveness of the actions we take depend on the quality of the questions we ask. Questions open the door to dialogue and discovery. They are an invitation to creativity and breakthrough thinking. Questions can lead to movement and action on key issues; by generating creative in-sights, they can ignite change.” (Vogt et al, 2003, pp1.)
Now imagine creating a questioning culture in your workplace. Creating a culture of discovery empowers people, stimulates creativity, surfaces underlying beliefs and supports change. Wow! Wouldn‘t we all love to work in a place like this.
Contemplation
- Having an awareness of questioning can change the way you have a conversation. After your next conversation, reflect on the type of questions you asked. What questions do you have about questioning?
- What values do you think are aligned with creating a culture of questioning?
The skill of powerful questioning not only lives within the art of coaching, but in life itself. The skill and art of questioning lends itself to tremendous personal growth.
Coaching (and sales) is all about discovery, learning and change. Powerful questions also increase the acceptance of change. However the attitude, mindset, pace and timing all effect the impact of asking questions. (Marquardt, 2005) In coaching and sales, a person must be conscious of these things at all times. In the coaching experience, a coach may feel some pressure to find the answer for their client. This however is not coaching. This is consulting or mentoring, and at times this is required.
It is imperative though that a coach feels relaxed and not pressured to be right or to know the answer.
So let‘s look at the role of questioning in role of coaching. Asking powerful questions can support a person in thinking outside of the paradigm that they usually run within. It can shift a perspective, create awareness, and find the road to discover new things this in turn will add to their personal growth and personal development.
It is important in asking questions to check in with any assumptions that may be made when an answer is given to a question. It is important to make sure that the meaning of an answer to a question is clearly understood and so further questioning can support this. The language we use tells who we are. We make assumptions when we answer questions. Listen for the assumptions as well as the answers to the question.
The flow and depth of questions can only happen if there is no judgment from the person. Many conversations can be quite emotional and it may be challenging to not be caught up in the emotion. However it is imperative in the coaching experience that all questions asked must not have any judgment in them. There must be no guilt or judgment in any part of a question, and really this can apply to all lines of questioning can’t it?
So let‘s review the steps to consciously creating powerful questions.
- Create a space where you are not distracted or not able to focus completely.
- Commit to creating a culture of questioning, through valuing learning and discovery.
- Listen carefully to what is being said, the assumptions made, the words used, the information given.
- Allow for a couple of seconds to reflect – this will mean a silence.
- Ask a question to gain greater meaning or for clarity.
- Ensure there is no judgment or any assumptions being made in the questions.
- Do not just accept what you hear as a truth or wrong or right, just accept what you hear as language, a person‘s perspective.
- Consider how you will answer a question or range of questions being asked by a client, where they are seeking solutions from you.
- Make a list of powerful questions.
- Check what assumptions you make in your list of powerful questions.
- Categorize your questions in subject headings, i.e. Questions about change, questions for awareness, questions for discovery etc.
- What will be your approach to a person who starts to ask you lots of questions?
- How will you work with a person who asks you not to ask too many questions?
- When talking to a potential client/customer how will you position the use of questions?
Marquardt, Michael, 2005, Leading with Questions: how leaders find the right solutions by knowing what to ask, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., U.S.A.
Rowe, Mary Budd. Wait-Time And Rewards As Instructional Variables, Their Influence In Language, Logic, And Fate Control. Paper presented at the National Association for Research in Science Teaching, Chicago, IL, 1972. ED 061 103.
Vogt, Eric, Brown, Juanita, & Isaacs, David, 2003, The Art of Powerful Questions, Whole Systems Associates, CA, USA, www.theworldcafe.com
OK…that’s it I hope you enjoyed this mini-series.
If you’d like to experience personal growth through questioning, go ahead and ask for an Introductory Consultation today.
Roland Gilbert
With over 20 successful years in corporate America, Roland Gilbert is now living his passion through helping others find and live theirs! Roland is a personal coach working with a wide range of clients’ issues through helping them change their thoughts and actions about their worlds – both personally and professionally.
Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.
Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you. www.perennialgrowth.com
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