Be Decisive!

Indecision is a miserable state to be in and certainly is not a fruit of the simple life. The apostle James said the double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.

Never making a decision because you're afraid you'll make the wrong one will get you nowhere. How much time do you think we waste when we can't make up our minds?

We often labor over the choices before us when we just need to make a decision and let it stand. This may be a simple example, but think about it: When you stand in front of your closet in the morning looking at all your clothes, just choose something and put it on. Don't go back and forth until you make yourself late for work!


Chronic indecisiveness can be one of the toughest psychological demons to banish. Here are a few ways to help you pull the trigger when a big part of you would rather do anything but.

Forget About Always Appearing Smart

Plenty of talented people, even those who have made a killing, go to exhaustive lengths not to appear dumb. Actually, the smarter you are, the more likely your indecision is born of this anxiety. A kid building a start-up can be wrong, fail, and feel no shame: “I’m a kid… what do you expect?” Not so for someone with an established reputation to protect. This fear of shame is pernicious, mainly because it’s useless. Let it go.

Trust Your Gut (It’s Savvier Than You Think)

What we refer to as “our gut” is actually a wealth of knowledge infused with validated facts that you aren't in touch with until you reach a critical crossroad. Or as my grandfather use to say: “If you don’t make the right decision, you can make the decision right.”


Accept The Limits Of Analysis

The road to hell, we’re told, is paved with good intentions! Avoid paralysis by analysis. Act, examine your results, make adjustments, and move on. 

Flip A Coin

William James said “When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.”  He was dead-on! If you feel like a hung jury that’s still deadlocked, use a coin to break your mental logjam.

Remember: Indecision is all about avoiding: 

 1. the choice between two negative alternatives, one of which has to be adopted, or 

2. the choice between two fairly equal courses of action. In both cases, the solution may well be heads or tails.

Let me encourage you to start making decisions without second-guessing yourself or worrying about the choices you make. Don't be double-minded or wishy-washy because doubting your decisions after you make them will steal the enjoyment from everything you do. 

Make the best decisions you can and trust God with the results.

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through  Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. 

Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if  coaching is right for you.

 http://www.guoybas.blogspot.com/
 http://www.perennialgrowth.com/

How To Date the Alpha Female

What IS an "Alpha Female"?  She is strong-willed, overly confident at times, difficult to please, loves extra hard with a dedication that often can't be matched. Her ambition and natural curiosity for life & more  specifically HER life is undying. 

She doesn't back down easily and is not always comfortable wearing a dress. They are a "wear the pants" type of girl which can serve them well in some areas and destroy them in others at the very same time. She is a Lion in every sense of the word. She moves with a slow stride and with a high head. 

She is a natural-born leader and sometimes have a difficult time putting herself before others. Her will is to change the world that she lives in even if it's in the smallest of ways. She owns a room almost instantly after walking into it because this is her nature. 

The Alpha-Female spirit makes it easy for her to be single yet can make it difficult for her to be in a relationship which really sucks. She is sarcastic and witty and her tact isn't always warmly welcomed by the opposite sex. Living in this generation of "sex vs love" a lot of potential or would-be potential suitors are left eating dust when they try to divide and conquer her lion-heart. She has the spirit of a man with the heart of the most gentle of women. She tolerates no arguments in Love because Love is the one thing in this world that she believes is just simple. When she sees disturbance in Love she will generally just walk away and not look back. For her, love enters where there is calm not where there is chaos. 

it's safe to say that the Alpha-Female can have any man she wants and this is why more often than not out of 10 man there will be only 1 that barely strikes her interest. Her dominance can lure even the strongest of men, they will be intrigued with the challenge of dating her  because she is never easily impressed no matter how kind the gesture. This type of female is different and a man will have to do very different things to get and to keep her attention. Men become easily obsessed with the different type of personalities that she possesses. 

An Alpha-Female will never stay under the thumb of an overly obsessed man. As soon as she can break free she will and her eye will be keener at avoiding this type of man in the future. The Alpha-Female  will break hearts more than have her own heart broken and this is the curse that she is born with.

Whatever your perception, for men, the bottom line is: how does one approach this type of woman for romance? 

Here are 6 distinct signs you may be dealing with an Alpha Female and ways to "counteract" them:

1. She acts unimpressed by your romantic gestures
An alpha female is used to men chasing her, so don't be surprised if cliche gifts like flowers and chocolate don't impress her. Remember this: Her expectations are higher than most women's, so you will have to be a little more original to get her attention.

How to counteract it: Try writing her a personalized letter and leaving it on her windshield, for example. Or make her lunch and bring it to her at work. Whatever it is, be different.

If she still acts unimpressed, do continue to make kind gestures, but don't go overboard. This type of woman is used to men going crazy for her, and you will stand out more if you can keep your cool.

2. She continues to date other men

Clearly, she doesn't want to commit. The alpha woman always has several men on the go and likes to keep her options open.

How to counteract it: The only way to deal with her wandering eyes is to do the same. In other words, fight fire with fire and continue to date other women until you discuss otherwise.

3. She's hard to reach

The alpha female is a busy woman, or at least she is very talented at making you believe that. She likes to have you at her beck and call and wants you to work around her schedule.

How to counteract it: Don't become the last-minute, just-in-case guy -- that won't earn you any respect in the long term. Make sure she realizes that you have your own commitments by not working entirely around her schedule. Do continue to pursue her if you think you have a shot, but be casual when you call. And definitely don't call more than twice before she calls you back.

4. She insists on paying her share of the bill
If she always insists on going Dutch, she might be pulling one of her fancy alpha tricks. Why? Because if you never treat her, she'll never owe you anything. Nada.

How to counteract it: Continue to offer to pay on dates, but if she seems adamant about paying her share, don't insist. If you want to avoid the whole awkward bill-splitting moment, tell her you'll take her to your "secret spot" and bring along a picnic to surprise her.

5. She is demanding

She continuously asks you for favors and you are eager to do them for her. Sound familiar? The alpha female is used to having men pursue her and give in to her every whim. But as tempting as it might be to jump every time she tells you to, do not allow yourself to become her puppy dog.

How to counteract it: Keep your dignity and do only what you feel is within reason. You will earn yourself far more respect in the long run if you don't jump through all the hoops she sets out for you.

6. She is sarcastic and condescending to you

If she constantly talks down to you and makes rude or mocking remarks, you need to defend your honor and fight back with equally witty comments. You never know what the alpha female might say, so you always have to be "on" and ready for verbal combat.

How to counteract it: Use a negative hit only when absolutely necessary (something mildly but not overly insulting). This will throw her off balance and threaten her feelings of control. However, if your exchanges are consistently negative and disrespectful, you're probably better off moving on; you shouldn't have to put up with her abuse.

There is only one more thing you need to remember when pursuing a woman who knows her way around the dating game: Keep your cool. An alpha female can smell fear.

Become the alpha male

Make one important distinction clear in your mind: An alpha female might not call you back very often and she may date other men, but she will show you strong, intermittent signs that she is interested to encourage you to continue pursuing her. Do not mix this up with a woman who is showing few or no signs that she's interested. In other words, know when to stop trying and walk away.

Are you an "Alpha Female". Why/Why not?

Does the thought of being with n Alpha Female bring excitement or fear?

How do you deal with that "Alpha" trait?

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if  coaching is right for you.

 http://www.guoybas.blogspot.com/
 http://www.perennialgrowth.com/

Dealing with Insecure Relationships

Many studies say that men and women are naturally insecure. There is this constant need for self-validation, especially when two people are in a relationship. It follows then that the need for complete understanding and honest communication in a relationship is necessary in order for it to be sustainable and secure. However, there should also be limitations as to what a couple in a relationship should be able to take from each other. If the relationship is comprised of two insecure and immature people, it's better to sound the alarm and get out of that insecure relationship or seek help immediately!

Let's look at some of the main causes of an insecure relationship between people, how it affects the relationship, and some suggestions to improve what can be called an insecure relationship. In addition I have listed below some indications that a relationship can no longer be resolved, and that the insecure relationship must be terminated to avoid the drama the parting of the two persons involved is usually associated with.

Causes of an insecure relationship

The most common cause of insecurity that is cited in many psychological studies is the lack of certainty in oneself. A person who doubts his or her value becomes insecure. The person usually sees themselves only in relation to other people. They derives their affirmations from other people, and if this affirmation is not given, this person becomes more insecure.

Now don't get me wrong, it's only natural to feel insecure once in a while, in fact everyone has insecurities. When we feels insecure all the time, even when conditions do not in any way prove that he or she is lacking in something, the person's lack of self-confidence becomes apparent. Most of the time, an insecure person will try to hide things about himself or herself. They will act and think in the way that he or she feels other people will respect them, even if this means lying about themselves, all because of the lack of self-esteem. An insecure person is always fighting with themselves, he or she tends to fall into self-blame when things do not work out.

An insecure relationship is comprised of people who, as individuals, are already insecure before going into the partnership. A relationship becomes insecure when it is built on deception and jealousy, which are the qualities that insecure people often possess. For example, if a problem arises in the relationship, insecure people will blame each other. They will always act jealous of each other even if there is no reason to be envious. In an insecure relationship, the couple can also become deceptive and act jealous so that they can attract each other's attention. As already mentioned, insecurity stems from a lack of self-validation. Couples in an insecure relationship will demand this validation from each other, which becomes a problem because their demands can sometimes be absurd or impossible to fulfill.

Sometimes, only one end of a relationship causes instability in a relationship. The woman, for instance, feels that the man does not think she is beautiful enough, even if the man tells her this is not true or gives her no reason to be insecure. Another example is when a man feels that he is not earning enough for the woman, or that he is not intelligent enough for a woman. In such relationships when only one person is the cause of insecurity, the other person is obligated to help his or her partner to overcome this feeling of low self-esteem. They must try to reassure their partner that he or she is satisfied with what the other is and can provide in the relationship.

How to stop being insecure

Self-affirmation begins with individual efforts. No amount of coaxing from other people or compliments from a partner can make a person completely secure about themselves, although such affirmations can definitely help an insecure person get over their issues!

An insecure person can begin self-validation by stepping out of themselves and take an objective stance about their capabilities and qualities. An insecure person sometimes feels that their qualities are not enough to satisfy other people. Such a person must try to dig into their qualities and tell themselves that what they can do and offer can be improved, but should still be enough for people to accept them. An insecure person should also surround themselves with loved ones who can repeatedly assure them that they have value and do matter.

For those involved in an insecure relationship, the first step towards becoming secure is to accept the fact that they are both becoming destructive to one another. A relationship should be something that brings out the best in people, something which is obviously lacking from an insecure relationship. If the couple decides to try to work things out, they have to:

•  Be able to help themselves individually first
• Acknowledge that they have issues with themselves before trying to work at the relationship. 

Most of the time, a couple who have security issues take a break from each other and try to fix themselves first before getting back together to save and rework the relationship.

Relationships where only one person is having trouble at being insecure, the other partner can help him or her effectively by listening and by being open to whatever the other has to say. The more mature partner should be able to package their words carefully, because the other partner, being insecure, can be very sensitive to harsh, even though honest, words. For some couples, it is more effective if they even draw a schedule for their talks, so that the insecure person feels that it is also their responsibility to become a better person in order to save the relationship! (Accountability!)

Other tips to get rid of insecurity

For some people, taking up certain activities can help immensely in learning to get rid of insecurities.

• read inspirational books
• take up other hobbies 
• enroll in classes that will improve their skills.
• meditate
• take up an interesting sport, 
• or simply try to engage in activities wherein they can be alone and calm.
• quit habits such as smoking and drinking 

The important thing to accomplish first is for an insecure person to become at peace with himself or herself, to look at his or her situation objectively, and to accept himself or herself completely for what he or she really is. The person must realize that validation comes from oneself and not from other people.

Insecure people should also try to remind themselves everyday about their positive qualities and think of ways to enhance them. Most of the time, insecure people have forgotten that they do in fact have positive qualities, therefore it is extremely important that their loved ones help in affirming those things.

Insecurity can be dangerous to a person and the people around them. However, as it is something that a person has created for themselves, getting rid of insecurity is extremely possible. A person simply needs to decide once and for all that he or she wants to pull themselves together and muster up the necessary courage and discipline to finally get rid of insecurity and pave the way towards a happy and satisfied relational life!

How has insecurity affected your relational life?

What ways can you help an insecure partner today?

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if  coaching is right for you.

 http://www.guoybas.blogspot.com/
 http://www.perennialgrowth.com/

3 Keys to Better Small Business Success!

Most coaching clients who are in business for themselves come to coaching because they have goals they need help achieving. These goals can include increasing sales, income, or efficiency; becoming better at time management, or creating better work life balance. All GREAT goals, to be sure and worthy of their attention.

But regardless of the tenacity, determination and ability of the client, if they try to accomplish their own personal "Mount Everest" without a firm footing at base camp, their particular journey on the road to the top will probably take longer and have more detours than they had originally imagined.

Wonder why? In this world of instant and constant "connectedness"  with Blackberries, cell phones and computers making being out of contact virtually impossible (pun intended), many small business owners are run ragged. They find themselves reacting to everyone else’s agenda, instead of setting their own.

For example, there’s the young realtor I worked with recently who answers every call on her cell phone, regardless of where she is or what she is doing. Her more seasoned counterparts look on knowingly, wondering how long it will take her to learn the importance of screening her calls, putting her phone on vibrate, or better yet, giving out the office’s phone number instead of the her own.

Many small business owners believe they are so pressed for time that they can’t take an hour to go to the doctor, for a growing cyst that might be cancerous. Others believe that their customer’s emergency — due to poor planning on their customer’s part — is now theirs as they run around trying to solve a problem they didn't create. And still others insist that their families are their priority while a closer examination using time as the measurement shows that this just isn't the case. (sound familiar?)

For these small business owners, extreme self care is the first step in wrestling back control of their lives, before they start the climb up their personal Everest. Too busy reacting to others agendas instead of their own, demonstrating little or no ability to say no, and no tangible evidence of any respect for their own boundaries, they are usually exhausted before they even beginning trying to make the climb. Before starting such a journey, it helps to be healthy, centered, focused, energetic and surrounded by people and environments that will support them and not deter them.

That’s where self care comes in.

1. Simplifying your life. Create an absolute yes list and put the rest of your activities on hold. This can be very difficult to do, for a variety of reasons. First, the people around you won’t like it when you draw back and stop doing what they currently depend on you to do. But it’s essential, because if you don’t, you’ll be too busy to practice self care.
2. Begin putting yourself first, instead of second, third, fourth, fifth and last. While some might see this as extreme, many people won’t practice self care to the level it should be practiced unless they are given permission to do so.
3. Once you become better at working your “no,” muscle, at naming, sticking to and enforcing personal boundaries, then and only then can you take the third step in self care, which is getting nourished. This can come from a variety of sources: friends, family, food, activities, exercise, and home and work environments.

After business owners and entrepreneurs take these three steps, their chances of reaching their personal Everest increase dramatically, often with fewer detours and surprises. That’s not to say that there won’t be any surprises, because no one can control all the forces around us, be it weather, other climbers, or something else. If my past experience is any indicator, I know that as some of you read this, you’re thinking that you don’t have time to practice self care. Your goal is so important that it can’t wait.

But ask any successful business owner or climber and they’ll confirm that it takes longer to reach a goal if you haven’t done everything that’s demanded at base camp. The smartest thing you can do is take the "meta-view"  look at the big picture, by taking a step back. An added bonus of doing so is that your life will be more balanced, you’ll have more room for the things you really want in your life and you’ll feel a lot better when you do begin working on your goal.

Once you begin looking after yourself, it will be hard to go back to what you now see was a crazy, out of control life. It really is all about the journey and not the destination, because what’s the point of reaching Everest if the trip, even up to base camp, leaves you exhausted and spent? And equally as important, if you do manage to get there, but feel worn out from it all, how much energy will you have for celebrating the momentous event? And as leaders in the human potential field tell us; stopping to celebrate and acknowledge our victory is imperative, as doing so psychologically spurs us on to even bigger and better things.

Business owners and entrepreneurs who practice self care by exercising, eating well and getting enough sleep find that they get more done than their counterparts who work longer hours, eat lunch off the sides of their desks and keep insane hours. Practicing these steps will increase the chances that you’re around to enjoy your business over the long haul.

What "priorities" are keeping you from experiencing a better "work/life" balance?

Have your "deadlines" become your "deathline"?

Think, Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if  coaching is right for you.

 http://www.guoybas.blogspot.com/
 http://www.perennialgrowth.com/

Attracting the Man of Your Dreams!

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.

Helen Keller

Science has established that we are more than just physical beings. The physical world around us is composed of constant molecular movement that is influenced by our thoughts and actions. The study of quantum physics suggests that we are the creators of our own lives. This means that we can make positive adjustments in our life to create whatever we desire.

The process of attracting desired people into our lives involves believing in how much possibility the universe holds for us as individuals. Most people have limited beliefs and perceptions on what they truly deserve and are worthy of in a relationship from their childhood. Having these limited perceptions hamper your potential experiences in life.

Once you make a commitment with yourself to really know what you want and desire from the man of your dreams, then you can ignite the source of attraction!!!

By clearing your mind and writing out on paper your thoughts and desires on your "Mr. Right", you can open up the energy that will bring forward all your wishes.

This "process" focuses on defining the qualities in detail of what you want in a man and a long lasting relationship. This should be done during the two weeks leading up to the full moon. Not that I am a huge nature buff or believer in astrology, BUT, I do know that the moon's gravitational pull has a very unique impact on the planet, and specifically all water. Since our bodies our made up of approx 75% water it doesn't hurt to work WITH this force as opposed to against it! You will do it every night before bed for seven consecutive nights. It should be the last thing you do before falling asleep on each night. You will need seven pieces of paper, each marked at the top with one of these topics:

• What I want in a man emotionally
• What I want in a man spiritually
• What I want in a man physically
• What I want in a man sexually
• What I want in a man intellectually
• What I want in a man financially
• What I want in a man socially and politically

Once you've relaxed in bed, you can write as much as possible on each topic. You should be emptying your mind completely with any thoughts or desires personal to you.

On the next six nights, you must read over your list, and keep refining, reviewing, adding or subtracting until you are 100% satisfied with it.

Now keep the pages near you as you sleep each night, as words have tremendous energy and work on many levels. This exercise will be of great benefit as you're engaging your mind, body, spirit, intellect and emotions with the powerful words that you have written. As you sleep, new and vital energy will be shifted into your physical experience.

In the morning of the eighth day, wrap your completed list in a piece of fabric and store it in an undisturbed place until the next full moon. You will use your list when you pray, when you fear, when you doubt, and when you want to give up hope. Your list is a reminder of the energy you have put out into the universe and the expectations of a return!

Clearing Clutter to Attract Mr. Right

Another area to consider is Clearing the clutter in your home and office! "Clearing" can create long lasting relationships! When there is a mess, or stagnant energy blocked in your surroundings, it brings up a barrier between you and meeting someone special. As you know, the natural energy of a woman needs to be flowing gracefully without interruption to be its most effective!

Having a pile of dirty clothes and old magazines stacked in a big pile in your bedroom can be harmful for your love life. If you're a collector or have lots of things that you can't get rid of, then proper organization is the key.

When clutter builds up in different areas of your home, it creates an imbalance in your life and energy. This prevents you from reaching your ideal life potential. Once you take action and clear your personal space, you will notice a difference in how you feel, and suddenly your mind will be clearer, and you can focus on attracting a healthy long lasting relationship.

Do you know exactly what you want and how to recognize it once you have it?

Do you have unrecognized "clutter" in you home or life?

Think, Grow. Live!

 Roland N. Gilbert

 Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with Master Mind  Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better,     find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact  Roland at 800-974-3692   or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if  coaching is right for you.

 http://www.guoybas.blogspot.com/
 http://www.perennialgrowth.com/

Are You Striving for Success or Excellence?

Why do people fail after achieving success? This is the biggest concern of every successful individual, the fear of losing the success.

Success is often measured by comparison to others. Excellence, on the other hand, is all about being the best we can be and maximizing our gifts, talents and abilities to perform at our highest potential. 

We live in a world that loves to focus on success and loves to compare. We are all guilty of doing this. However, to be our best we must focus more on excellence and less on success. We must focus on being the best we can be and realise that our greatest competition is not someone else but ourselves. 

Golfing legend Jack Nicklaus would simply focus on playing the best he could play against the course he was playing. While others were competing against Jack, he was competing against the course and himself. 

The same can be said for Apple’s approach with the iPod, iPhone and iPad. When they created these products they didn’t focus on the competition. Instead they focused on creating the best product they could create. As a result, rather than measuring themselves against others they have become the measuring stick. 

We have a choice as individuals, organizations and teams. We can focus on success and spend our life looking around to see how our competition is doing, or we can look straight ahead towards the vision of greatness we have for ourselves and our teams.

We can look at competition as the standard or as an indicator of our progress towards our own standards. We can chase success or we can embark on a quest for excellence and focus 100% of our energy to become our best... and let success find us. 

Ironically, when our goal is excellence the outcome and by product is often success.

Are you achieving excellence in every area of you life?

What factors are hindering you from achieving excellence?

Think. Grow. Live!


Roland N. Gilbert


Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. 

Contact Roland at             800-974-3692       or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.

www.guoybas.blogspot.com

www.perennialgrowth.com