5 Steps to Stop Talking Yourself Into Stress!

Are You Talking Yourself Into Stress?

There is a constant conversation that goes on inside our heads which is a big part of what causes us to feel the way we do, both happy and sad, angry and calm. It’s often called our “self-talk”. If you pay more attention to this conversation, you will probably notice, as I did, that a high proportion of it is negative. A lot of it is either critical of yourself, or critical of others.

What Is That Inner Voice?

From birth (and maybe even pre-natally) we receive messages from the world outside of ourselves through our five senses. Things that happen to us, things that we hear and feel and things that we see, are all recorded. Each of these messages is permanently stored in the brain, in our subconscious mind, and from then on we repeat these messages to ourselves. So literally, the little voice in our heads is talking to us on the basis of the messages that our recorded in our subconscious.

The Subconscious Mind Doesn’t Judge

The problem is, that the subconscious mind doesn’t have the power to judge and filter the messages that are recorded: that is the job of the conscious mind, which is under-developed during childhood. So what happens is that all messages get through, both positive and negative, empowering and dis-empowering.

The Law of Repetition

The Law of Repetition states that whatever is repeated is reinforced, so those messages that we hear over and over again, will become deeply embedded in our subconscious and part of our belief system. These then become the “rule book” as it were that we live our lives from.

Dysfunctional Parenting Leads To Disempowering Beliefs

Now that would be all good if we all had perfect, loving, balanced parents; but most of us don’t, most families are dysfunctional in one way or another. So most of us have been programmed with beliefs like:

“I’m not important”
“I’m not worthy of……..” fill in the blank!
“I’m not attractive”

We Become What We Think And Believe

What we need to understand is that every thought we think and every word we utter is a creation, it makes our experience of life; so based on the dis-empowering programmes in our subconscious mind, we say these things to ourselves, and create an existence that we don’t want, but we have unknowingly created. This can be the reason why many of us struggle over years and even decades with our weight for example, because we have beliefs and programmes in our subconscious mind that sabotage any attempts at weight loss that we might embark on.

The Good News!

The good news is that it is possible to re-programme our self-talk; and we use the law of repetition to do it. Experts say that it takes 21-30 days to break or make a habit and there are tools to help us repeat the new self-talk over and over again.

Five Steps To Success

There are five steps that are needed to re-programme our self-talk. But a pre-requisite is that we must have desire. If we just go through this process to please others it will not work. There needs to be a deep desire within you for change; a dissatisfaction with where you are now, an “enough is enough” attitude!

Step 1 – Identify Your Disempowering Beliefs

This is self-evident, that in order to change a belief you need to become aware of it. You can do this by looking at which areas of your life are challenging, or which actions or situations are causing you unpleasant feelings. Look at the beliefs that underlie those actions. It may be that an action appears to go against someone else, but if it produces guilt, shame or unhappiness, it goes against you too. This is because we are all joined on the deepest level of the universal field of energy, therefore when you inflict ill will on another, you really hurt yourself.

Step 2 – Make A Commitment To Change

This process is not an easy one; it requires real commitment and determination. The payoff though is awesome: a happier, more fulfilling and successful life which both you and all those around you will benefit from.

Step 3 – Re-write The Self-Talk

Once you have identified some beliefs that are not giving you the experience you want, you can re-write them and turn them into positive empowering statements. For example: “I’m not important” could become “I am a unique and special human being with my own wonderful gift to bring the world”

Can you see how that new belief has a wonderful uplifting emotion attached to it, it excited me just typing it!

Step 4 – Repetition

We need to keep repeating the new self-talk to ourselves as often as possible; at least daily. There are several ways to do this:
*Make a recording of your new script and listen to it every day.
*Write your new script down and re-read it daily.
*Make a short slide show using photos alternated with your new self-talk.
*Make a vision board with pictures and your new beliefs.

Step 5 – Add The Power

To make these methods really powerful, you need to add emotion. You need to try to feel the emotions you would feel if it were true now. For example, if you believed you were a unique individual with your own special role and gift to bring the world, how would that make you feel? Feel that now, close your eyes and really go there in your mind, the emotions will come.

Conclusion

We are what we think about, so let’s think about stuff that makes us feel good. Improving yourself in this way is the best gift you can ever give to yourself and your family. I know my family and children certainly prefer the new me!

Think. Grow. Live!

Roland N. Gilbert

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.

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