I recently worked with a young woman we'll call Angela. When she was a child is seemed that nothing she ever did was good enough for her mom. Her mom worked two jobs to keep a roof over their heads, and had little time for the emotional "stuff" Angela needed. With her dad randomly in and out of her life, she was never sure which way was up! Her mom never hesitated to correct her when she did something wrong; yet her mom never felt the need to commend her either, no matter how hard she tried.
As you might guess Angela grew up with a self-esteem problem. Even though she’s now married, has two small children and a loving husband, she still feels insecure. Do you know anyone like Angela?
We all want to feel secure
Every limiting emotion that is not due to a chemical imbalance is due to feelings of insecurity. From ancient civilizations to the new millennium, human history is a reflection of mankind’s inability to fill their need to feel safe.
The desire for security is the granddaddy of all human emotions. Every person on the planet has an inherent and insatiable desire to feel safe and secure. And efforts to fill this desire shape the actions of individuals and the course of world events.
Just as the Earth is in orbit around the sun, human behavior revolves around the need for emotional security. Wanting to feel safe and secure is closely tied to our sense of survival. This explains its position atop all other emotions.
It all boils down to our beliefs
Even though the scope of this problem is huge, there are actually simple solutions. By modifying a person’s belief systems and adjusting the signals they are sending to their nervous system, amazing transformations can occur.
I’m happy to say that Angela has overcome her challenges. She was able to get to the root of her issue and see that the way she was feeling was not her fault. She was "programmed" for insecurity and relationship issues with men from an early age. She sought after "toxic" approval all of her adult life and never understood why she couldn't break the cycle of dependency and insecurity.
She finally has the approval she was so desperately seeking. Learning a few simple coping skills had a big impact on the quality of her life. You see, Angelina figured out that the small cost of coaching was insignificant compared to the pain created by her limiting beliefs. She got her life back and that is something you just can’t put a price on.
We are all damaged goods to one degree or another
We all react differently to the challenges that life throws at us, but none of us is immune. However, with the right coping skills in place, we can learn to view life in a way that shifts our perception in a very positive way. For some, creating this shift might seem almost impossible, but that too is just perception.
All of us has the ability to determine our own response to any sort of experience. In most cases, with the right skills, we really can choose the meaning of everything that happens to us and this gives us the ability to essentially create our own reality.
The circumstances that plague us from time to time are usually not within our control, but how we walk through life is! Ignorance is not about NOT knowing something, Ignorance is about NOT WANTING to know!
What skills help you to cope with life’s challenges?
Think. Grow. Live!
Roland N. Gilbert
Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.
www.perennialgrowth.com
