Do You 'Respond' or 'React'?

Everyone does it once in a while. Some of us more than others, and some times more than others. Rather than think about what has been said or done and the consequences of our actions, we simply react. We might put our foot in our mouth, say or do just the right thing (luckily), or create a problem that will rear its ugly head later. Most of the time reacting only gets us in trouble.

Sometimes reacting works – calling 911, swerving your car just in time – but most of the time a response is better than a reaction.

According to Dictionary.com:

• to react: to act in an opposing or contrary manner
• to respond: to react favorably

What’s the difference? It starts with what expert's call "meta-cognition". This is the idea that we, as human beings, can think about our thoughts. No other animal can do that. We have the ability to think about what is going through our mind, our feelings, our instincts, our urges and to take reasonable, calculated action. This is the ability that keeps a man faithful, and keeps a woman in control! We've all done it at one time or another, but I’ll contend that when we forget to think about what’s going on between our ears is most often when we get in trouble.

Let’s look at a common way these words—respond and react—are used.

When you take an antibiotic for an illness, you are hoping for your body to respond to the medicine: to act accordingly, to have a positive effect on your body, to create change for the good.

If, however, your body reacts, or has a reaction (sometimes known as an allergic reaction) to the medicine, it is rebelling against it. It doesn't want it, it is rejecting it, and acting harshly because of it.When you take an antibiotic for an illness, you are hoping for your body to respond to the medicine: to act accordingly, to have a positive effect on your body, to create change for the good.

Now, obviously, we can’t control whether our bodies respond or react to medication. We would all hope for response rather than reaction.

However, we can have control over whether we respond or react to the negative things that come our way.

My point is that thoughts fade. It’s dangerous to react to a thought immediately. The thought is fleeting. Reacting to it too quickly may put you in a bad spot. Slowing down and thinking about that thought, considering that thought and the importance or unimportance of it in the bigger picture of your life, and THEN responding or not responding to the thought is much safer, more in control, and creates in your life more of what you truly want.

Many people have recently made New Years’ resolutions. If one of yours is to eat better or exercise more, congratulations! You will be faced with thoughts such as “I hate this diet” or “Rather than workout I should sleep in”. Although these might seem like logical thoughts “in the moment”, slowing down to consider them as you are doing now makes them seem short-sighted.

When you’re upset with a coworker, spouse or child, rather than “take swift action” slow down and consider the thoughts you’re thinking. What is the best response for the big picture rather than immediate reaction?

5 Ways to respond instead of react

1. Take a deep breath and tell yourself this is not a personal attack.
2. Realize that what has happened has already happened, and you cannot change that fact. All you can do is move forward from this point.
3. Decide what your next steps or words will be in this situation.
4. See if there is anything you need to do differently to avoid this in the future, or is there something you need to learn from this experience?
5. Release the occurrence to God, the universe, or whomever you need to, and move on.

With practice meta-cognition will allow you to create a more satisfying, more intentional life. At the end of the day, isn’t that what we want?

With over 20 successful years in corporate America, Roland Gilbert is now living his passion through helping others find and live theirs! Roland is a personal life coach working with a wide range of clients’ issues through helping them change their thoughts and actions about their worlds – both personally and professionally.

Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.

Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com  to determine if coaching is right for you. www.perennialgrowth.com