Some people shout, stamp their feet or nag in a bid to get what they want. Other people may eventually give in as way of getting some peace and quiet in their lives, but they have not done so happily. Any perceived victory has been won at a cost to the relationship and to the harmony of the environment around them.
Let's look at 7 beneficial ways to get what you want and have your own way.
1. Pay attention to the situation as it develops. Listen to what others are thinking, saying and doing. What matters to them, what are they wanting to do? By being attentive you form a clearer view of other peoples attitudes. Finding out what matters to others is important. It is information that you can use as a subtle negotiation tool, something to trade with.
2. Demonstrate that you are prepared to compromise. Hearing what others want and showing that you respect them proves that you are not acting solely out of self-interest. Often people can become stubborn if they feel that one person is being a bully or trying to ensure that they constantly get all their own way. By referring to their wants and showing that you have compromised some of your own they will feel better inclined to listen and try to accommodate you.
3. Skillful negotiation is the art of trading something that does not really matter to you for something that does matter. Treating something that does not really matter to you as important, conceding defeat, appearing to give way – albeit reluctantly, showing that you are being magnanimous over one point can give you some latitude to negotiate on something that does matter to you at a later stage.
4. Do not give the game away. Keep your enthusiasm in check. Showing how important something is to you gives the other person extra power in the situation. Even if we are only talking about wanting the last piece of chocolate cake, showing how much you really want it can make others want it too. Being more blase reduces other people’s desire and determination to fight for it.
5. Stay calm. Appearing desperate or pushy can cause stress and tension to build up. Rash decisions may be made in a bid to end the unpleasantness. Being more relaxed about the process, as if it is not really a big deal, takes the pressure off and allows it to become a more relaxed situation.
6. Let them think that the outcome was their idea. By guiding the other person into suggesting what you really want you can appear surprised, compliment them on their idea, agree as if you are happy that they have found a way to resolve the matter. And if you get what you want it hardly matters that they want to take the credit for thinking of it.
7. Be nice. Difficult or unpleasant people may get their own way but it leaves a sour taste, an unpleasant atmosphere. Being nice means that the result becomes more of a win /win situation for everyone involved.
Is it better to get what you want or be right?
Does getting what you want have to be at the expense of others?
Think. Grow. Live!
Roland N. Gilbert
Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.
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