Contributed by John Kirby
You know sometimes life is just plain tough. I was talking my friend Robert today who was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer about 11 months ago.
We pretty much lost touch through the years due to life. High school, different colleges, meaningless arguments, and ultimately time continuing to roll on like a freight train running full-bore. He explained that he drove straight home after the doctors news. The 45 minute drive took over 3 hours, and before he knew it 3 days had gone by like a cold dark morning. He remembered it, but not by choice.
He emerged 3 days later with a list of everyone he needed to contact prior to passing on. He tells me he did just fine going through the list until he showed up at my door. A 3 hour conversation on his life, regrets, and hopes that would never be conquered led me to wonder how we were going to get these dreams accomplished if his life indeed was to be cut short. It’s the half empty/half full conversation but with so much more meaning.
As he cried, full of pain and sadness, I was mentally planning out the steps we would have to follow if we were going to fulfill his lifelong dreams. We discussed the options of him spending the remainder of his time hurting or ignoring the pain. I was there to help, but ultimately I felt he had to make a conscious choice so that his end days were spent feeling proud of either decision. He needed to make a choice. Climbing a mountain, flying a plane, driving a dragster, and a list of 28 items. Some were rather different, but none broke the law, they were all morally sound and really… aren’t we all just a little different? Well, 3 hours later we were off on the first adventure. Para-sailing behind a jet boat on lake Michigan.
Some of the missions were rather easy, and some took me doing major ‘selling’ the deal to friends of friends… all the while keeping the disease a secret. We did the Nascar experience, my buddy Bob let him fly his plane (won’t do that again), 9 second dragster, fishing all night long sober, ate the finest cheesecake, flew in snow crab, I hate mountain climbing, the bull in Wyoming, the Big Foot truck ride… and all of these other events that he just wanted to do before he died.
Have you ever noticed how people spend their lives ignoring the ones they love? How can sports, jobs, and television take precedence over love? It seems to devour lives until the final moment when those who matter most are needed. Robert was unfortunate enough to see the exact opposite. Most of those he has loved for years turned on him the past few months. Call it fear of loss, not knowing how to deal with death, or just plain pitiful.
Anyway, in the past 11 months I must say that he had some real good moments, and some rather sad times. How can laughter accompany sadness so well, and vice versa.
So as Robert is talking today I can sense that he is rather down compared to recent days. The treatments have certainly taken their toll on this great guy but I have to tell you, what a wonderful holy spirit he carries. I have seen many losses in my life, and here again I see another fortunate soul who is drawing near the time to depart this world. I noticed at a young age how those who pass knowing God are full of peace and contentment, while others seem to really struggle with the issue of death over dying.
After a 15 minute sales job, I finally get Robert to share. He explains that his buddy Terry committed suicide last night leaving 5 children, a wife, mother and father, and numerous people who thought he was just a happy guy. The lost job, foreclosure, credit card bills, and all of these completely meaningless ‘things’ proved too much.
I ask Robert, “can you even imagine what goes through someones mind… I mean how low can life possibly get to even consider such a meaningless act?” I’m speaking to a person who has lost 140 pounds in the past year, most of those he felt were his closest friends, a wife, and the security of believing tomorrow will give him another day on this earth. The doctors made their money, and now he has been written off. We’re speaking numerous times per day, and the conversations seem to revolve around how happy he is to be going home to his father.
I have to ask. “Robert, How Can People Be Happy When They’re So Completely Sick Of Life?” He calmly says, “Do You Know How To Be Happy When You’re Completely Sick of Life?” I said “fill me in brother”. And he very positively and proudly states, “You Choose To”. Wow.
3 words that explain the first step in the process to being happy. You must choose to be. Once you’ve established your direction, the rest is just small steps needed to support the walk. Inspiration comes in many ways, but ultimately we need to recognize it.
Think. Grow. Live!
Roland N. Gilbert
Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.
