Seeing The Relationship Through
Dealing with infidelity is one of the most trying situations a couple or family can deal with. After the fact, there are only two roads which you can take. You can either try to forgive and rebuild your relationship, or you can let the relationship go completely and start anew, taking with you this life lesson. Staying with your partner and condemning them to a life of ungodly scrutiny, mistrust and relentless torture will not serve you. To stay in the relationship without forgiving your partner fully will act only as a life sentence of 'less than.'
In the beginning, you will feel as if you must control your partner's every move in fear of them cheating again. It is so important that you completely resist this urge! Understand that this is their chance to display to you that they are worthy of your forgiveness. If they truly want to live their life beside you, no temptation in this area will be worth sacrificing your life together, or the second chance that you have given them. If they are serious about making amends and making things work, they will fully understand the mistake they made and the torture that they created for you. If this person chooses to do this again, they are not worthy. Take comfort that the next time you will know what to do. There is no third chance in this scenario. You simply deserve better.
On the other hand, when a person truly wants to do something, they'll find a way to go about it. Understand that your partner has free will. We all do. If your partner isn't in it for the right reasons, your attempts to control them won't work anyways! They will only serve to make you feel and appear pathetic. Know that your strength in wanting to save this relationship knows no bounds and does not deserve to be soiled with constant suspicion and worry. Leave it to God and fully open yourself to the journey that is about to unfold before both of you.
If you feel you must leave because you cannot see ever being able to trust your partner again, you will need to end the relationship. If you stay without completely forgiving, the agony that you will suffer moving into the future will be much more powerful than the destruction you felt when you discovered the betrayal. The difference will be this time YOU will be the at fault for damaging yourself this way. The decision to shut down this relationship should be made only after you can think rationally again, and hopefully after you and your partner have had enough opportunity to communicate with each other about the future. Counseling may also help you arrive at a realistic decision. The severity of this decision is one that will ultimately change your family in the most profound way.
Remember this. No one has the right to think any less of you because you could not forgive and forget; many people do not possess the ability to let something of such a large magnitude go. The destruction has sunk in too deep for there to be any light at the end of the tunnel.
However, if you do want to see the relationship through, please know that it IS possible! You've invested love, time, and effort into this relationship. It is well within your rights to want to protect your investment! There is something magical in wanting to salvage the beauty and love that came before. In this disposable society, know that your partner does not have to be one of those things thrown away like a snotty Kleenex.
Rebuilding A Loving Relationship
Some days will be easier than others. Some days will be so hard that you want to run for the hills never to be seen or heard from again. The only thing you can do is take each day, each hour, and every minute as it comes and keep your goal in mind: a harmoniously passionate and love filled life with your partner and a certain victory that you will claim for the rest of your life.
Regaining your foothold on life and rebuilding your love after infidelity is much like pursuing a brand new romance. You will get to know each other again, hopefully on a much deeper, more spiritual level. You will spend romantic evenings together and open yourselves to making love to each other with an intensity you have never known before now. Each kiss will hold meaning and emotion. Each glance will provide an open window into the soul of the person that has decided to stand shoulder to shoulder with you in this lifetime. You each will make sure that your time together will be a priority, not an afterthought.
This act of infidelity was a bump in the road. In the big picture of life, what does it mean? It means that people are human. It means that this is your chance to move forward to a love that will certainly stand the test of time. When you BOTH are willing to pour the necessary effort into rebuilding your love and trust, you will make it work.
Love Coaching
Love coaching can be an extremely effective antidote to mending your broken heart and strengthening your bond. Book an initial consultation with a reputable professional and, if you're comfortable with their techniques, schedule a weekly session. With this support you will be able to tap into each other's most reserved feelings and get to know each other all over again. This is a perfect opportunity to allow your deepest desires and your most erotic fantasies to come into play. This is not the time to hold ANYTHING back. You are creating now, the love life that you desire and most certainly deserve. Be bold and clear about your expectations moving forward. Know that you must leave the meek or non-communicative you far behind.
Strengthening Your Relationship
Now is the time to rev up or revamp your sex life by indulging in each other to the fullest extent. Your open sensuality will be a beacon of hope and fulfillment. Try new techniques. Strengthen your bond by exploring new ways of making love or simply by spending more quality time together. Understand that now more than ever, small gestures are crucial in both partners feeling appreciated and cherished.
Here Are 10 Activities To Rekindle The Romance:
1. Schedule a weekly date night. Do not wait for your calendar to open up…make this an absolute priority. Schedule everything else around this night.
2. Make sure that you connect with your partner verbally every night. Find out how their day was. Care about how their day went.
3. Sincerely praise one another in private and in the presence of others.
4. Surprise each other with small, thoughtful gifts.
5. Cook a home-cooked meal together. Consider this time of meal preparation as an opportunity to provide sustenance to your minds as well as your bodies.
6. Treat each other to weekly massages. The touch and feel of this connection goes way beyond the relieving of tired muscles.
7. Have sex at least 3 times per week. Whether it be a full on production with candles, incense and music, or a "drop it like it's hot" moment after the kids have left for school, do not fall back into the routine of your life that deprived you from the fire that you have for each other.
8. Take a romantic trip. There is nothing more that can be said about staying in bed for days at a time, nourishing yourselves with room service, and each other. Drink from one another, taste the divine together agin.
9. Visit the place where you had your first date or were proposed to. Recapture those precious moments that were in the past, before the damage occurred. Honor these places and times as they deserve to be. These times did not go away, they were hidden and shadowed.
10. Have fun in life! The worst thing that could happen to a couple has already come to pass…begin to ignite each other by nourishing your life visions. Help each other to dream, to laugh, to become
2. Make sure that you connect with your partner verbally every night. Find out how their day was. Care about how their day went.
3. Sincerely praise one another in private and in the presence of others.
4. Surprise each other with small, thoughtful gifts.
5. Cook a home-cooked meal together. Consider this time of meal preparation as an opportunity to provide sustenance to your minds as well as your bodies.
6. Treat each other to weekly massages. The touch and feel of this connection goes way beyond the relieving of tired muscles.
7. Have sex at least 3 times per week. Whether it be a full on production with candles, incense and music, or a "drop it like it's hot" moment after the kids have left for school, do not fall back into the routine of your life that deprived you from the fire that you have for each other.
8. Take a romantic trip. There is nothing more that can be said about staying in bed for days at a time, nourishing yourselves with room service, and each other. Drink from one another, taste the divine together agin.
9. Visit the place where you had your first date or were proposed to. Recapture those precious moments that were in the past, before the damage occurred. Honor these places and times as they deserve to be. These times did not go away, they were hidden and shadowed.
10. Have fun in life! The worst thing that could happen to a couple has already come to pass…begin to ignite each other by nourishing your life visions. Help each other to dream, to laugh, to become
.
By putting all these activities back into your lives, you just may feel like newlyweds again. The aim would be to hold this new level of love against all odds. Keep it held close and protect it from the perils and mundane routine of daily life and of the intimidating stressors which will always be present. Know that as humans, all anyone wants is to love and to be loved.
The only way to overcome infidelity is to truly re-dedicate your life to one another. Your partner and your life together should be your main priority. Investigate and help flourish their dreams. Take full responsibility for each other. You have been put together and have remained together for a reason. Honor God and this always! Whether you've been married for 20 years or have been dating for just 8 months, by taking it one step at a time, you can successfully overcome infidelity.
Realize this: at the end of your time here on earth nothing will mean more to you than knowing that you and your partner have invoked the spirit of absolute forgiveness and the bond of an eternal love.
Love is all that matters in the end.
Think. Grow. Live!
Roland N. Gilbert
Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance.
Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.
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