Do you want to be happy and successful? The answer is obvious, we all want those things. In addition, we would also like to feel loved, appreciated, and valued. We all have the same basic human needs and the desire to feel fulfilled in these areas is a normal part of our emotional makeup.
Most of the articles I write focus on practical strategies for creating positive changes in your life because I want to help you fill those important basic needs so that you can enjoy a higher quality of life. But there is another vital aspect to living a happy, healthy, and successful life that is often overlooked. In fact, this is so vitally important that if you leave out this one thing, those other strategies probably won’t do you much good. Any idea what I am talking about?
You must get permission first
I know it sounds strange, but it really is true. Before you can be truly happy or feel deeply loved and appreciated, you need to get permission. Otherwise, you might end up feeling unsuccessful or unloved even in the presence of love and success.
How could this be?
We all have an internal system of emotional checks and balances. This system is influenced by our response to different life experiences and is calibrated according to what we think we deserve. If our system is calibrated too low, we will start to feel out of balance whenever we begin to experience success in any area of life. This is because internally we will sense that we don’t actually deserve it, and this will cause a very subtle emotional conflict.
Re-calibrate your system of emotional checks and balances
Self-sabotaging behavior is one of the ways that internal conflict seeks to right itself and restore balance. Another way is by denying any evidence that we are receiving something that we don’t deserve.
This means that we will either adjust our actions to undermine whatever success we have created, or we will simply refuse to acknowledge it. The only positive way out of this negative feedback loop is to recalibrate the whole system. But remember, this internal system of checks and balances is emotional, not logical. So, how do we bypass the conflicting feelings and dial up what we think we deserve?
Give yourself permission to live an exceptional life
The permission to be happy, healthy, successful, loved, appreciated, and valued can only come from one source. It must come from you! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks you are capable of or deserve. It only matters what you can convince yourself to believe.
By giving yourself permission to fill your most basic human needs abundantly, you can completely override your system of checks and balances. You don’t need to feel that you deserve happiness; you just need your own permission to fully experience it. There is no reason to make happiness, love or success conditional. You don’t need to measure up to some self-imposed standard so that you feel like you deserve it. All you need is your own permission!
Replace deserve with willingness to accept
If I offered you a million dollars, what would you do? Would you refuse my gift on the basis that you didn’t do anything to earn it, or would you gladly accept it? I am pretty sure you would accept it whether you felt like you did something to earn it or not.
Why should happiness be any different? You can’t earn happiness, but you can give yourself permission to accept happiness into your life. If you want to feel loved, appreciated, and valued, start by feeling that way about yourself. Then give yourself permission to be willing to accept those feelings from others.
Uphold your standards, but let go of conditional living
I am not saying that we shouldn’t strive to be the best possible version of ourselves because I believe that we should. What I am saying is that we should not withhold the fulfillment of our most basic human needs until we feel like we have earned them.
You already deserve to be happy and successful. You also deserve to feel loved, appreciated, and valued. But you won’t fully experience any of those wonderful feelings until you give yourself permission to accept them into your life.
Have you been trying to earn happiness?
Are you willing to let go of what you think you deserve?
Think. Grow. Live!
Roland N. Gilbert
Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.
http://www.guoybas.blogspot.com/
http://www.perennialgrowth.com/
Are you willing to let go of what you think you deserve?
Think. Grow. Live!
Roland N. Gilbert
Roland works one-on-one – via phone and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland at 800-974-3692 or rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.
http://www.guoybas.blogspot.com/
http://www.perennialgrowth.com/
