Many people take an unpleasant situation and let it rule the way they look at life. The company downsizes and you were one that was cut. Your spouse cheats and leaves you. Someone you thought to be a best friend turns out to be not such a true friend. When these things happen many people spend their time blaming the other person for having done wrong to them.
“If my boss hadn’t fired me I wouldn’t have lost my house.” “If my friend hadn’t turned out to be such a terrible person I wouldn’t be so depressed.” If my spouse hadn’t cheated I would not be so lonely.”
Instead of looking at the situation as a turning point in their lives, people tend to use it as a pity party on themselves. I will not belittle the pain. The pain you feel is real and it is expected. But the point is that you can decide to rise above the situation.
Instead of deciding to focus on what went wrong and the loss, decide to focus on where the road ahead will lead you. Maybe you’ve lost your job and finances were tight to begin with and you don’t know which direction to turn. Was that your dream job? Was that your dream boss? Is there something that you’ve always wanted to do with your life, but were too busy working that job to go after your dreams?
Maybe there’s a person that needed your attention that you would have never noticed if that friend hadn’t let you down. And maybe that friend didn’t intend to hurt you. There are times in people’s lives where they see no other way. They may be suffering on the inside and you don’t know it.
People don’t always do things to hurt us, as we often think. There are times when people need to do things to help themselves, but never intend or want to hurt someone else. Step back and take a look at the situation. You may never figure it out, but at least give them the benefit of the doubt that there is something that maybe you don’t even know that they are suffering from themselves.
Divorce is a difficult situation all its own. You can spend your life trying to figure out what went wrong or why you were hurt or you can decide to get back up and live again. You can decide to spend your time blaming the other person for a bad marriage or you can decide to rise above it and find a new direction in life.
Maybe there is a dream career you didn’t go after because you had no need to work. Maybe there’s a person out there that you’ve never met that’s been waiting on you their whole life and everything will line up and you’ll find you’ve never been so happy.
The point is if we spend too much time living in the past and blaming the situations that have ‘done us wrong,’ we may miss the future we secretly long for. Close the doors to the past and walk forward. Open your eyes and your heart to what life has to hold for you today.
You’ve been given a chance to open yourself up to what life has to offer you. Decide to forgive, to release yourself from the pain and to move forward in life. Go after the life you deserve, the life that’s waiting for you to live it.
Think. Grow. Live!
Roland N. Gilbert
Roland works one-on-one – via phone, Skype and face-to-face – and with MasterMind Groups. Through Couples Coaching Roland helps clients communicate better, find the love they want, and create relationships of significance. Contact Roland ator rgilbert@perennialgrowth.com to determine if coaching is right for you.
